6-30: Visit from Aunt Carol’s Family

Hi everyone. Wow… we are starting to see some new parts of Tonya’s personality. She is not at all afraid to be silly, and in fact, loves to be a comedian. (Think “female Carrot Top”.) She acts like a truly carefree child… you know, the way they all used to be before we started dumping adult problems on them and telling them that their planet was dying. Whatever is in her background that led her to live in the orphanage, she either doesn’t remember or she has it totally compartmentalized. I hope to find out some day.

Not many new “firsts” today. Joanne had to go out and run some errands and go to the hairdresser so I had “Tonya duty”. I have to admit… I was sweatin’ a bit when she ran out of things to do and resorted to swingin’ in the hammock swing. I was quite literally ’saved by the bell’ when I received a phone call from another host family in southern New York. They were hosting Tonya’s best friend from the orphanage, who had asked if she could talk to Tonya. I handed the phone to Tonya and indicated “for you”, then stood back and gauged her reaction. It almost seemed to take her 20 seconds to realize (or believe) who she was talking to. Then she just went into “teenager mode”, laughing, giggling, swinging around wildly, walking around the house, going to the bathroom… all with the phone tightly pressed to her ear. They must have gone on for at least half an hour before Tonya brought the phone back to me and said, “for you”. (I used the opportunity to get some work done.)

I got to speak with the “host Mama” for awhile. She told me this great story about something that happened at the New York airport when she picked up her child. As they were watching the kids de-plane, she said they all looked absolutely exhausted and miserable from the travel. Then suddenly, these two girls turn the corner and they are laughing and giggling like there’s no tomorrow. They brightened everyone’s day. Others were saying, “Good luck to whoever gets those two!”. Well, she got one, and we got the other. So now I know that Tonya was separated from her friend in New York prior to arriving in Boston. Unfortunately they are 5 hours away… not sure if we will be able to get them together.

The high point of today was a visit from Aunt Carol’s family: Her husband Paul, teenage sons George and Christopher, and of course, Anna. They brought over their ‘Rock Band’ video game for Wii, which features a drum kit, guitar, and microphone. We had an absolute BLAST cranking it through our surround sound system. We all took turns. We even got Tonya on the drums a few times and she did quite well. When the Wii got old, we cooked up some burgers & dogs on the grill, ate outside on the patio, then devoured some strawberry shortcake.

Tonya had a pretty good sugar-buzz going from the soda (ko-lah) she drank and the whipped cream, which she got a little crazy with. We decided to end the night by taking the dogs for a walk around the neighborhood, which is probably the most normal thing we have done since she arrived.

There were several instances in the day where I would exercise my “bad-guy routine”. That is, I would deny her something basically “just because I said so”. She would push a little bit, but accepted the situation as soon as I pushed back. No tantrums or Russian swear words… well, not that I’d really know.

At this point, we really want to expose Tonya to the boringness that is our real life. Not every day has a visitor, or an event, or a trip to somewhere. Sometimes you just stay home and “do stuff”. Sometimes that stuff is fun, usually it isn’t. If you’ve got a good family, you can hopefully find a way to make the boring stuff fun and revel in little moments. We’ll soon see if Norman Rockwell was a visionary or just whacked out on some real good paint fumes.

So, that was our day. Short & sweet. I am NOT one of those guys who gets giddy about babies, kids, or pretty much anyone who isn’t old enough to buy me a drink and then let me return the favor. I LIKE kids, but usually in small doses over a large span of time. But this kid is playing right out of the “Little Orphan Annie” playbook. (And yes, I am a fan of the movie!) She’s getting under my skin, mostly because I respect her at her core. Her bravery in taking this trip; her self-confidence in the face of complete adversity; her ability to keep her sense of humor intact despite it all… it’s boggling to me. Part of me feels like “she’ll be okay with or without me”, and another part feels like “this is a kid who, properly raised, has the guts to stand on principle and really make the world a better place”. Wow… this should be a reality TV show. The emotions runs hot. I can’t believe that this all-important life decision is going to come down to a song by The Clash: Should I Stay or Should I Go?

I spoke to my Mom about all of this today. She thinks she knows which way I’m leaning regarding the future. I wonder if Tonya knows?

Goodnight all… thanks for tuning in. Papa out.
-Dave-

6-29: Weekend Update (The ‘Bowling & Beaches’ Tour)

Hi everyone! I have received so many wonderful emails from friends all over the place who said they are following this blog. Great… more pressure. Well, tonight’s posting is brought to you by “Sponge Bob”, who is entertaining Tonya and allowing me to write this.

Saturday morning was the first “group event” for the New England hosting families. Jo and I have it pretty easy because Manchester, NH is “central” for everyone, so most of these group events are nearby. Some families have to travel 2 hours to get here. For this outing, we all met at a candlepin bowling alley in East Manchester. Tonya was really confused because we had told her the day before (via a translator) that we’d be going to the beach today and spend an overnight with Aunt Carol and Cousin Anna. When she walked into the bowling alley, her face dropped. We immediately grabbed one of the translators and had him explain “bowling now, beach later”. (I could pantomime the “bowling” part, but that “beach later” is a killer.) As soon as she understood that we were still going to the beach, she perked up, which is funny because she has never probably seen a beach before… but she did REALLY want to see cousin Anna! At first she didn’t want to wear the rental shoes because she has REALLY GOOD TASTE in clothes, but when she saw Mama and Papa put on ugly shoes too, she followed suit. (I could go off on a rant here about Children’s shoe sizes, like how can a size “1″ be bigger than a “12″, but it’s not really important. All I know is that we settled on a size “3″ when the size 2, 1, … and 12… didn’t fit.) But I digress.

Tonya immediately recognized one of her companions down on the end lane and ran over. Her name was Lenna (which is my phonetic spelling) and she is 13 years old. Unlike Tonya, Lenna is very tall for her age, but her and Tonya seem to be at the same developmental stage mentally and really hit it off. It was great to see her laughing and giggling in her native tongue. I just assumed they were comparing notes about their crazy host parents. Periodically she would leave the action, come towards me and say “Papa?”, then guide me to a vending machine. The kid knows how to work the system.

[Just a side note on the bowling action here. Thank God someone had the smarts to put us in lanes with bumpers on the sides. Tonya, who had clearly never bowled, had this wicked side-arm/shotput technique that was always good for at least 3 banks before hitting any pins. On one occasion, she had enough speed on the ball so it popped over the bumper, down a walkway, and then down a stairwell that led behind the pinsetters. I didn't hear anyone scream, so she either didn't hurt anyone or killed them instantly. Either way, it's the funniest thing I've seen in awhile.]

Suffice to say, there was no score keeping going on… just fun. After a couple hours of bowling, we all went down the street to a sandwich shop called “The GoldenRod” and took over half the place. It was great to speak with all these people who are going through the same thing and share stories about difficulties and triumphs. We were all amazed by how much we had bonded with these children in just 3 days and despaired about where we’d be after the 5 weeks. Of the entire group, Joanne and I are the only family that doesn’t have other kids, so we spoke to the challenges of having to keep Tonya engaged all the time. (That was before we discovered Sponge Bob.) Overall, everyone was doing great in our group, and we had definetly started to bond as adults too. After lunch we didn’t really have to say “goodbye” because we will all be meeting again next weekend to attend a Fisher Cats baseball game in Manchester.

We drove back home and prepared for our overnight stay with Carol & Anna. Carol’s inlaws had a timeshare in Wells, ME that they couldn’t use, so her family was coming up (in shifts) to make use of it. For tonight, it would just be Carol, Anna, Joanne, Tonya, and me. We arrived around dinnertime. Anna and Tonya were getting along so well that it was no problem for Jo and I to go out, pickup a pizza, and do a little grocery shopping. It was a fun “girls night” for both sisters and cousins. (I watched a lot of TV in the next room and let “girls be girls”. That is until they conspired against me during a pillow fight and ambushed me.) It was just loads of fun. The girls played UNO, they made brownies, had ice cream, compared clothes, jewelry, and just had an absolute blast. It was a great night.

The next day started a little later for Joanne and I. By the time we woke up (at 9:00), Carol, Anna, and Tonya had already been up for hours, had breakfast, got washed up, dressed, and were actively playing UNO again. I partook in the UNO action while drinking my coffee and actually won a game before losing many many others.

We wanted Tonya to see the ocean and also poke around in some little stores since it was not a good “beach day”. The best place in Maine to do both is Perkins Cove in Ogunquit, just a few miles south of Wells. We were able to get 3-hour parking right in the Cove. As soon as the doors on the minivan slid open, the damp salt air, mixed with the leftover scents of the morning catch, poured in and bit into our nostrils. Tonya immediately pinched her nose shut with her fingers and made the sour-puss face. We pointed to the shore and said “Oh-shin… Oh-shin…”. Judging by her face, I’m pretty sure she’ll never want to see another one again.

After bopping through a few shops, we caught a Trolley up to the center of Ogunquit, where we bopped into a few more shops. It was great… everywhere we walked, Tonya and Anna had their arms wrapped around each other. [sidenote: Kudos to Anna for REALLY stepping up in the face of adversity and genuinely befriending Tonya. She had told me earlier that "laughter is a universal language!". She's a special kid, and it was great to spend time with her and get to know her better as well.]

Because we had purchased little things for Tonya in every other store we entered, we didn’t want to get her accustomed to that trend of always getting something, so we sought out a store where we intentionally would NOT buy her anything. (Mama and Aunt Carol are NOT the best people to teach this particular lesson. I wonder how you say “hypocrite” in Russian?) Tonya did well… she would look at things she liked closely, but put them back on her own. No muss, no fuss.

We had lunch at a restaurant called “Huckleberries” near Ogunquit Beach. We weren’t sure what Tonya might like to eat so I called Iryna, our Ukrainian friend from the animal shelter, and she helped us out with the translation. We ordered her a Grilled Cheese Sandwich and it was well received.

After lunch, we walked onto the beach. As soon as we hit the sand, Tonya knew to take off her socks and sandals and go barefoot, and after watching Anna, she rolled up the cuffs on her jeans. The girls were having an absolute blast running, splashing, and digging up shells. Unfortunately we were running out of time on our 3-hour parking ticket, so Joanne and I volunteered to walk back to Perkins Cove to the car and pick up Carol and the girls at the beach. This would give the girls an additional half hour of beach fun. When we finally did pick them up, the girls jeans were soaked, apparently the result of a splash fight. When we got back to the timeshare, Tonya wanted to take a shower to rinse off, and since “Mama Joanne” was at the car, she asked “Mama Carol” to help.

While Tonya was showering, Carol shared a story that had happened at the beach while we were getting the car. Anna drew a big heart shape in the sand and wrote “Tonya” inside of it. Tonya then drew another big heart shape and wrote her name in Russian. Next to that, she drew another heart and wrote “Mama” in it, and next to that, a third heart with the word “Papa”. Now if that doesn’t grab your heart by the ventricles, you’re just not paying attention!

[sidenote: Not to ruin that story but the agency had actually warned us that the kids use the terms "Mama" and "Papa" rather loosely to refer to adult caretakers. It does not literally translate to "Mother" and "Father" as it does in the U.S. The problem is, as Americans, when we hear a kid say that to us (in a cute squeaky voice, nonetheless), we "melt like butta". That is why Tonya referred to Carol as "Mama" when she needed help with the shower.]

The rest of Carol’s family (2 boys and husband) joined us shortly thereafter and we introduced Tonya to all. Unfortunately we had to leave early to get back to our dogs, who were being let in and out of the house systematically by our next door neighbor. The ride home was uneventful. Tonya wanted her window open and the sunroof, so we were just flyin’ down the highway with a Def Leppard CD cranking!

After arriving home and unpacking, Tonya guided me to the SpongeBob DVD and pointed, so I loaded that up and watched TV with her for about a half hour. She didn’t want Moose getting too close to her… apparently she had enough of getting wet for today.  With Tonya safely in the protective custody of SpongeBob, I was able to sneak upstairs and start writing this blog entry.

When supper was ready, I paused the DVD and made the “eaty eaty” motion to Tonya. (It’s just like the “drinky drinky” motion, except you’re holding a fork instead of a flask.) Tonya obliged, washed her hands, and went to the table. Joanne had prepared some turkey breast, green beans, and mashed potatoes . Tonya made it clear that she wouldn’t have anything to do with the beans, and have only a flirtatious affair with the turkey. Mama convinced her to eat “just two more bites” of turkey, and she obliged.

During previous suppers, if Tonya had food left over I would reach over and put it on my plate. We are trying to teach her to stay seated at the table until we are all finished eating, otherwise she’d only be at the table for 2 minutes and she’d be finished before Jo and I were seated. (Orphans eat fast… like competitively fast!) Today, she was anxious to escape this mediocre meal and get back to SpongeBob. When I declined her attempt to dump her food onto my plate, she said, “Papa!” and made the “eatie eatie” motion at me. Now, she could have been funning, but more likely she was telling me to “hurry up and eat so I can get back to TV”. This was the first real dose of “attitude” she has exhibited, and Joanne made it clear that I have to nip it in the bud if it reoccurs at future meals. Mama even let me practice being the “bad guy” by making me turn off SpongeBob at 8:00 and tell her that it was bed time. She initially gave me a big “Nooooo!”, but I just reached down, hugged her and said, “We’ve had a full day, honey”. She relinquished the couch peacefully. Wrapping discipline in a hug seemed to work for now… at least I felt better about it. Let’s see what tomorrow brings.

6-27: A visit from Aunt Carol & Cousin Anna

Well, this morning we were prepared. Alarm clocks were set for 8:00AM and coffee was pre-programmed to be ready at 8:01. When I opened our bedroom door, expecting to see Tonya bouncing around, I saw only darkness through a partially open door. “I think she’s still asleep”, I whispered back to Joanne, hoping she might take the hint that we could go back to sleep too. (Nope.) “Go check on her”, she said. When I entered the room, she popped up out of bed and gave me a nice hug. Okay… this was better than sleeping in.

Tonya wanted to try cold cereal for breakfast (Something that they are not supposed to like according the handbook.) We really didn’t have a plan for today. Joanne’s sister, Carol, would be travelling from CT to ME and had mentioned dropping by to visit us along the way. Carol’s daughter, Anna, was also 11 years old so we really wanted to get them together.

Our first plan to amuse Tonya was straight out of Parenting 101: Plug her into a DVD. I had purchased a good assortment of cartoon DVDs in anticipation of this moment and opted for the Warner Brothers Classics Volume 4. Tonya and I sat side by side in our “gaming chairs” and watched 2 or 3 Bugs Bunny classics. She laughed occasionally, when the comedy was purely visual. By the end of the 3rd cartoon she was more focused on rocking in the game chairs, which can flip all the way backwards if you rock back too far. This apparently is gobs of fun for an 11-year old, so I helped pull her up each time she flipped onto her back. Lots of giggles.

When she lost interest in the cartoons, I tried to schlep her off on Mama for a little while so I could at least get changed into day clothes. When I came back out, she was pointing at the computer and saying something VERY Russian. I had no clue, but Mama somehow deciphered “game”. (Apparently she had taken Parenting 101 too.) While I struggled as to what type of game she might be able to understand, Mama loaded up ‘Bejeweled’ and proceeded to teach her the object of the game. After a few minutes, she had it down and was fully engaged.

Mama used this opportunity to sneak out of the house and go buy her a bathing suit at Target. Normally we would have all gone together, but we were both convinced that if we left the bathing suit decision to Tonya, she would pick out a hot pink bikini with rhinestones that said something naughty across the butt. (Call it a hunch.) Anyway, Mama was gone and it was just me and Tonya. (Panic!) I was hoping that her Bejeweled game would last until Mama got back, but she got tired of it after about 20 minutes. She then partook in one of her favorite pastimes which is sitting in the hammock chair in our porch and swinging wildly away… usually with her mp3 player attached. As soon as I went down to check on her, the phone rang. It was Joanne’s sister, Carol, who confirmed her and Anna’s plans to visit us later that afternoon. I told Tonya that “We are going to have visitors” and pointed to a picture of Anna on our fridge. She said something “incredibly Russian” to me and I just stood there, perplexed. I gave her the “wait a minute” sign and went upstairs to grab my laptop computer. I brought it downstairs and navigated to a language translation site. I entered the sentence “Mama’s sister will visit” and clicked the Translate button. Tonya seemed to understand, though I sensed the translation was not clean.

Now, the trouble with Russian is there is no correlation at all with the English alphabet, so you can’t “type in Russian” on an English keyboard. Hence, when she said undecipherable things to me, all I could do is guess what she was asking, type it in, translate it, and guage her reaction. The process requires a lot of humor on both sides, and Tonya had fun laughing at my ineptness to understand even the simplest of concepts. Eventually we were able to compromise and she said she would like to play more computer games. I can live with that.

After playing a few more games of Bejeweled, she went and grabbed a deck of cards from her room and tapped on my shoulder. We both sat down on the floor and she started sifting through the entire deck, throwing everyting below a “5″ into a separate pile. She then took the pile of high cards, and dealt them evenly between us. She flipped one card face up, then gestured to me to do the same. I flipped my card and she grabbed both of them and put them in her pile. Ah! We were playing ‘War’. As an ‘end of the Cold War’ kid, I couldn’t help but appreciate the irony of playing War with a Russian! The game went back and forth a few times before she finally whooped me good. (I’m pretty sure she draws her cards from both sides of the deck… you know how those Russians are) [kidding! kidding!] That game ended just about the time Mama got back home. (Hey, I did it!)

Mama in her wisdom picked up a few activities to keep Tanya entertained through the afternoon. The first was a modern day “Light Bright” that included a bunch of template sheets that showed what color peg was to go into each hole. The template contained single letters indicating the color that was to go there, so three blue pegs in a row would look like this: B B B
I realized that this would make no sense to Tanya, so I made a translation sheet for her that would correlate each letter with the name of a color, which I wrote in Russian (thanks to my handy dandy laptop!) She seemed to understand, but she ended up correcting me when I mixed up ‘Pink’ and ‘Orange’. Smart kid. Anyway, the Light Bright kept her busy for a good while, giving me time to load up some old classic Atari games on Joanne’s computer. After Light Bright, Tanya learned how to play Centipede!

When Mama conveyed (somehow) that Anna and Carol would be here shortly, Tonya suddenly wanted to have Mama paint her finger nails and give her a little makeover. Apparently Tonya wanted to look her best for our guests! (There’s a real woman inside that little Tomboy body.)

Let me add that whle all of the above was going on today, we had a major breakthrough. Tanya finally got up the nerve to pet Moose and ended up having a blast with him, playing ‘chase me’ and ‘hide and go seek’.

When Carol and Anna arrived and Tonya was introduced, it was amazing to see the difference between the two young girls. Both are 11 years old, but Tonya looked like she was 8 compared to Anna, who towered over her.

For the rest of the afternoon, “the girls” sat around the table and did some serious beading, giving me an opportunity to write some emails and take care of some business. It was a nice little reprieve. Later, Anna and Tonya took turns playing Bejeweled and they seemd to genuinely get along well. Anna did a great job working around the language issue. We made plans to visit Carol and Anna up in Wells, Maine the next day so Tonya could see the beach, the ocean, and play with Anna some more.

Our translater, Olga, phoned in just to see how things were going. At Joanne’s request, we asked her to explain to Tonya that Anna had to leave soon but that she would see her tomorrow when we go to the beach. When Tonya handed the phone back to me, Olga said, “What a brave girl! She’s not afraid of anything. She really likes being with you guys and even the big dogs.” Needless to say, it made me feel REALLY good to hear that!

After Carol and Anna left, we all decided to go back to Target to exchange the bathing suit that Mama had picked out earlier. (It was too small.) Tonya loves to hold Mamas hand when we walk, and sometimes will reach for mine as well. Upon reaching the kids bathing suits, Mama conveyed “One Piece, Not Two!” Tonya understood and we picked through the rack of 1 piece suits. It is SO funny to shop for clothes with her. When you pull out something that she doesn’t like, she says “noooo! nooooo!” in this cute little voice and looks at you like you must be out of your mind.

The day proved tiring for Tonya, and as soon as we got back home we ate some dinner (macaroni, meatballs, corn, and bread) and she actually admitted to being tired. She got into her pajamas, washed up, and then came back downstairs. We thought she was coming to say goodnight to us, but she walked right by us and gave each of the dogs a goodnight pat! Then she picked up the Maizey cat and proceeded back up the stairs. We followed. It was a funny site seing this little girl with a big armful of cat! We tucked Tonya in (with 3 cats in her room) and kissed her goodnight.

It was a good day!

6-26: A Long Day for “Mama” and “Papa”

If you read my last entry, you know I stayed up way too late writing it. I wasn’t worried because I was all but assured that the kids would sleep in until about noon the next morning after their big travel day. Imagine my surprise then when, just before 7:30AM, Joanne disturbs my blissful slumber by saying, “I think our door just opened and closed”. I rolled out of bed, cracked open the door, and saw a lot of light coming from Tonya’s room. “She’s up!” I grumbled. Joanne got up to check on her and received a wonderful hug and a kiss. Apparently she had been up for awhile, exploring her room and trying on all the clothes we bought her in advance. I, having little interest in other life forms before my first cup of coffee, headed down to the kitchen to start brewing. When Tonya and “Mama Jo” came down the stairs to join me, I too received a wonderful hug. Okay then… I could get used to this.

At breakfast, (don’t ask me what we ate… it feels like 3 days ago. I’m guessing pancakes) Joanne informed me that most of the clothes we bought for her didn’t fit. They were WAY too big. And since Tonya only came with the clothes on her back (and we forgot to buy her socks), we had an immediate clothing crisis to resolve. Before we left for shopping, we weighed Tonya. 58-lbs.

Our first stop was a 2nd-hand clothing store in Manchester where we knew we could get her some nice stuff at a great price. Fortunately for us, Tonya has a real fashion sense about herself. We just flicked through the racks and she’d say “noooh… noooh… noooh…” then occasionally “yah! yah!” About twenty “yah yahs” later, Tonya and Mama Jo headed for the dressing room. Whenever anything would fit, the door would open so she could show “Papa Dave” (that’s me). I would smile and give her a big “thumbs up” to show my approval. Thank God for thumbs, I thought. Before we left, we had found several pairs of Jeans and some nice tops for Tonya, all for a $1.50 apiece. [Note to self: must start shopping there for me!] We still needed to find her some better shoes (hers were too big) and get her some socks and maybe a bathing suit, so we headed out to WalMart.

It was easy to see that Tanya was pretty impressed with the bright lights and endless offerings of the WalMart store, but she kept pace with Mama Jo, always holding her hand. When we finally found the children’s section, the reflection of those bright lights off the “Hannah Montana” rack seemed to trigger the repressed ’shopping gene’ in Tonya. (In men, this same gene prevents us from asking directions, but only kicks in when we know we are really, really lost.) Suffice to say, we ended up with many more clothes, requiring 2-3 “rotations” into the dressing room, since they only allowed 6 items at a time. On the way out Jo and I stategized as to how we might make all of these clothes fit into her suitcase at the end of this trip.

Despite what must have been 8 hours of straight shopping it was only 11:30 in the morning and Joanne suggested that we go to the Mall of NH (across the street) to see if we could make an eye-exam appointment at Lens Crafters. [This is required by the hosting agency, as is a dental cleaning.] By some miracle they actually had a cancellation that day and had a 1:00 opening, so we booked it. It was clear that Tonya was concerned about all the eyeglasses hanging around her, if not all the people running around in white lab coats. We figured a translator was needed to put her at ease. Unable to reach Olga, we decided to call Aileen Clay, our regional coordinator. Fortunately Aileen had a translator visiting in her home right at that moment and she was able to speak with Tonya. When Tonya handed the phone back to me, the translator said, “She’s not afraid… she actually wants to have the exam!”. Alrighty then… crisis averted!

Tonya indicated that she was hungry so we headed for the food court to pass some time. We wanted to bring her someplace where they had the food on display so she could pick out what she wanted. The pizza shop did the trick. After a few changes of mind, she settled on the pepperoni pizza (just like Papa). We had a good American lunch of Pizza and Pepsi before heading back for the eye exam.

In order to put her at ease with the equipment and procedures, I volunteered to have them do the tests on me first so she could see it was okay. It took all my acting skill to smile through that glaucoma test… you know, the “PUFF of air” test. Tonya sat through it like a trooper. When the doctor came in to administer the formal eye-chart test, we were temporarily perplexed as to how a child who only speaks Russian could recite English letters. (Russia has their own unique alphabet). The problem was partially solved when we requested a “numbers only” chart. We couldn’t tell what she was saying (much), but we could at least tell when she was having difficulty seeing it. In the end, Tonya checked out fine. When we gave her the “thumbs up” to let her know everything was good, we couldn’t tell if she was happy or disappointed about not getting glasses!

When we arrived home, Tonya and I resumed a project we had started earlier that morning: trying to get music on the little mp3 player we had bought her. Had I known it was going to be such a major undertaking, I would have sprung for the iPod and saved myself a few hours of frustation. In the process, it became obvious that Tonya had some computer experience and even mp3 experience as she was able to communicate those words and even knew to plug the mp3 player into the USB port. This kid has been around a bit!

Even after I figured it out, I had no idea what type of music to put on her player. I ended up choosing a pretty diverse array of music, including several instrumental pieces. Even a few Shania Twain songs to go with her hat Feeling bad, I spent an hour trying to find a music site where I could download Russian music. In the end the best I could do was order a couple CD’s put out by some Russians who at least looked like pop stars. Hopefully Tonya will appreciate the effort.

The rest of the day went very quickly… well for me, at least. I went to get the dogs from the kennel while Mama-Jo entertained. I understand they played Connect 4 and some card games, both without rules. When I returned with the dogs, I put them on the porch so Tonya could see them through the screen. She was definitely a little nervous about it, and who could blame her? At 58 lbs, she was definitely the underdog! (Please note that brilliant pun.) Since Taarna is the less intimidating of the two dogs, we let her in first. Tonya received her nicely and petted her briefly. When I tried to get her to pet Moose however, she motioned that she was afraid of getting bit. I decided not to push it and kept Moose on the porch. A pair of new rawhide bones kept both dogs distracted from the visitor in their house.

As we do every Thursday evening at 6:00, we went to the Manchester Animal Shelter where Jo and I have volunteered for nearly a decade. Our fellow volunteer, Aryna, who also speaks Russian, was there to explain the shelter to Tonya. While she was taken by all of the animals, after a half-hour she seemed “pooped” and chose to just sit in a chair. She let Aryna know that she was ready to go home. We left the shelter early to bring her home and she fell asleep during the ten minute trip. While we prepared dinner, she went to her room and fell asleep again. When I awoke her to tell her that dinner was ready, she initially said that she wasn’t hungry, but changed her mind within a few minutes and followed me downstairs to the table. The elbow macaroni that Joanne had prepared was a hit! She liked it with butter only, not sauce. The mixed vegetables were not so popular and they ended up on my plate.

After dinner, Tonya seemed alert again so Mama asked if she would like to take a bath. (The paperwork provided by the agency contains several pages of common phrases written in both languages, so we can just point to something on the list. It comes in really handy for dinner, bath time, and sleep time!) As I cleared the dishes, Joanne showed Tonya how to work the tub and the water and provided her with soap and a wash cloth. (The Bubble Bath was a hit, I understand.) As Joanne and I sat around the table below, we heard the water in the tub turn on and off; on and off; on and off. After 10-minutes we couldn’t stand it anymore and Mama went into the bathroom to check on her. She was just sitting there in the water, not knowing what to do with the soap or the wash cloth! Mama soaped-up the cloth and washed her a bit and she instantly caught on. Mama pantomimed to Tonya if she wanted her to wash her hair, and she did.

After drying her hair with a blow dryer, Tonya quickly changed into one of her new pajama sets and came down to say goodnight. Papa gave her a nice big hug and Mama brought her up to bed. Thus ended Tonya’s first full day. As for Mama and Papa, well, Mama ended up going back to the animal shelter to help with Meds, and Papa spent two hours writing his blog entry again!! (Sorry guys… I’m an unemployed writer who can’t drink. This is all I’ve got.)

6-25: She’s “home”!

Joanne and I had an uneventful trip down to Boston. Our first stop was the Children’s Hospital to visit with Lexi, Rick and Gail. I was happy to see Lexi awake and alert, and with the aid of a wheelchair we were able to enjoy a nice outdoor lunch in one of the hospital’s gardens. We left the hospital at 6:15 figuring we could easily reach the airport by our designated meet time of 6:45.

The truth is, nothing is easily done in downtown Boston… especially when there is a ballgame going on at Fenway. We seemed to catch every red light along the way, and the scarcity of “Airport” signs in the city is abominable. Then again, it’s Boston… Love it or Leave it. Except you can’t leave it because there are no signs to the highway either, except the onces on the entrance ramps. Anyway, after 2 trips around the airport parking maze, we settled into the “Central” lot and parked in row “Y1″. Again, it would be nice if they posted a sign that said, “There is a row ‘Y1′ on every level, so leave a trail of bread crumbs on your way to the terminal”. The only problem being you’d have to eventually eat the breadcrumbs to survive because there are no signs pointing to the terminals inside the parking lot! We decided to follow a frantic-looking sweaty guy who seemed late for a flight and apparently knew where he was going. Either that or he was sweating because he had finished his last breadcrumb hours before and feared dying of starvation before he found the terminal entrance. He was polite enough to blurt out “Terminal C on the left” as he headed off in the opposite direction. And right he was… just a quarter mile down on the left. My memory gets blurry after that… there were stairs, elevators, and escalators involved. Basically you’re in a concrete tomb, looking up out a window to see how many levels UP you have to go to reach the skywalk that actually puts you inside the airport. There is actually a sign INSIDE the elevator that says “Skywalk Level 4″, but outside the elevator all the floors are lettered, not numbered. I also noticed that every elevator has a speaker in it that makes “elevator sounds”. There is one sound for doors opening, one for doors closing, and one for when it is moving. I can only guess that this is to assist blind people. Not too surprising since the whole airport was apparently designed by blind people. But whatever the reason, trust me: Speakers or no, blind people have every bit as likely a chance of finding their terminal as the keen-sighted folks.

Oh yeah… this is a story about meeting Tonya. When we finally got to the baggage claim area of Sky Blue Airlines, we saw most of our fellow hosts waiting anxiously. We learned that the plane had landed but the children had not come out yet. (Whew! We weren’t late!) We met our translator, Olga, who we were pleased to learn lived nearby in Manchester. She gave us her card and assured us we could call her 24/7 if we needed her help. (We like Olga!!) Now it was just “wait time”. I thought we’d be nervous or edgy, but mostly we were just excited. We were ready for this. After a 10-minute wait or so, out came the children and their chaperons. There were only 4 kids in today’s group (the Latvian kids are coming in tomorrow). Tonya stood out in a pink “Shania-esque” cowboy hat and she looked absolutely adorable. One by one, the translators introduced each family to their child. We had been warned that after such a long trip the kids may be “zombified” or just melt down, but Tonya was confident-looking and receptive as she was guided toward us. Jo and I knelt down and gave her a big hug, which she promptly returned. Olga, helped us through the introductions. We learned that her name “Tonya” is actually derived from a much longer and more proper Russian name, and as such was pronounced with a long “o” sound.. something like “tohne-yah”. We presented Tonya with her stuffed stripy kitty which brought a warm and genuine smile to her face. She shyly said “Thank You” in Russian. We asked her if she had received the letter which we wrote several weeks before, which contained very basic information about our home, our family, our pets, and several photos of each. “Da” she said. “Yes”. (sidenote: The agency requires these letters… they are translated into Russian so the children can read them just prior to leaving.) Tonya then surprised us with a gift that she was holding… a beautiful Russian calendar showing different scenes from her home city in Russia. “This is for you”, Olga conveyed. When we initially asked her if she was hungry and tired, she said “yes”, but upon asking again later on, she said “no”. Olga got a kick out of this. We talked back and forth for a bit about “favorite colors” and how to say “cat” and “dog” in Russian. But before long, we ran out of questions to ask and that weird awkwardness started to creep in a bit. Joanne took the opportunity to show her all the other items in her backpack. The first thing she pulled out was silver-colored bracelet with blue butterflies on it. Joanne placed it over her wrist and adjusted it to fit. Tonya beamed.

After a few photos were taken of us and some group shots, it was time to go. We asked Olga to ask Tonya if she needed to use the “toilet” (apparently a universal word) before we left. “Nyet”. No.

Okay then… off we go. Tonya took Joanne’s hand initially as we walked towards the escalator. And then an elevator. And… well… I don’t want to go into great detail again, but suffice to say that Tonya’s first impression of us was 2 idiots who not only couldn’t find their car in the Parking Lot, but even upon finding it, couldn’t find the exit OUT OF the parking lot!

I couldn’t get out of the city fast enough, and Amen and Hallelujah, 10 minutes later found us heading north on 93. Tonya initially was awake and looking around, but quickly fell asleep clutching her stripy cat. I couldn’t get the thought out of my head how a beautiful girl like this could end up in an orphanage. Then Joanne chimed in about how anyone in their right mind would just hand over a child to us! (Good point.) Joanne and I talked quietly in the front seat… you know, like parents do. It felt good… almost “right”. We had no idea what we were going to do when we got home, but for this moment, all was well. The Boston skyline faded in the rear view mirror.

I’m pretty sure we had already passed into New Hampshire when we realized that we had nothing at home to feed this poor child@! A quick stop at a Shaw’s Supermarket solved the problem as Joanne ran in to pick up a rotisserie chicken. The scent of cooked chicken wafting in the car started to make Tonya stir, and she was awake when we finally pulled into our driveway around 9:30 PM.

As we opened the doors to the porch and then the kitchen, she walked right in. A barrage of affectionate cats quickly ascended upon her and she knelt down and started petting them while gleefully saying something cute-sounding in Russian. We guided her up the stairs to show her the bathroom and then her own room. Five or more cats followed us in, enthralled with this new little stranger.

As Joanne showed Tonya how to operate things in the bathroom (and tried valiantly yet unsuccessfully to get her to use the toilet), I started preparing mashed potatoes downstairs. When they rejoined me in the kitchen, Joanne was using the labels on the vegetable boxes and the juice boxes to find out what she liked. She immediately recognized corn and opted for fruit punch over milk or apple juice. Joanne showed her the chicken on the counter and conveyed “Do you like chicken?”. Tonya convincingly conveyed “No!”. As we momentarily struggled with what we could feed this child for a main course (and I frantically researched how to say “hot dog” in Russian) [note: I concluded that they just don't say "hot dog" in Russia] , we decided to give her small helping of chicken just to see. Sure enough, she ate it up, along with the mashed potatoes and the corn. When we offered her more, she refused, so we didn’t push it.

Immediately after dinner, Joanne gestured to Tonya, asking if she was tired/sleepy. “Dah”. (Yes) She then brought Tonya upstairs and did the “mom thing”, helping her pick out pajamas and brush her teeth. Another attempt to get Tonya to use the toilet failed, so we guided her to bed. She quickly found her way under the covers and after a goodnight kiss from “Mama Joanne” and “Papa Dave”, we closed the door on our little guest.

Believe it or not, the only thing we could think about after that was… “How can she go that long without using the bathroom?!” Maybe Mama Joanne and I have been old too long to remember how our bladders used to behave.

Tomorrow is another day. If Tonya is up to it, we will bring her to the animal shelter with us in the evening. Tommorow she will also meet our two Saint Bernards, Moose & Taarna… assuming I remember to pick them up from the kennel Goodnight!

6-25: It’s Go Time!

Well today is the day we pick up Tonya. We will be leaving in a few hours for Logan Airport (Boston) where she and the other “New England children” will be landing. As instructed by the agency, we have prepared a “gift backpack” for her containing a collection of fun & personal items that should appeal to a little girl (a brush, comb, nail polish, grooming kit, toothbrush, games… and an adorable stuffed cat with a broad happy smile). Jo and I have decided to kennel our two dogs tonight so they won’t be left in the house alone all day. We really don’t want Tonya’s first impression of our home to include “dog mess” on the floor! I will be leaving to do that as soon as I publish this post.

There are 2 dampers on what should otherwise be one of the most exciting days of our lives:

• Our niece, Lexi, has been in the hospital for more than 6 weeks fighting cancer. She is currently in Boston Children’s Hospital and receiving excellent care. We are going to try and visit her on our way to the airport if she is up for it.
• I was laid off this morning, along with all of my work companions. The company’s severance package has all the compassion of “walking the plank”. Unbelievable. If I do not find work within a few weeks, Tonya may have done better staying at the orphanage.

But alas, Jo and I have to compartmentalize all of these things so they do not interfere with Tonya. I really don’t want her first impression of America to be, “They sure cry a lot over there”. Perhaps it is fortunate that we are not allowed to drink alcohol in front of Tonya because the idea sounds mighty tempting right about now.

Anyway… we have to bring the dogs to the kennel and do a final house cleanup. We should have a lot of pictures to post shortly, and some more interesting blog entries!

PS – Please Pray for us!

Language & Cultural Issues

In this post, I figured I’d take an opportunity to discuss some of the challenges and cultural issues we will face with Tonya, starting with the language barrier.

As I mentioned at the end of my last post, Tonya does not speak a word of English, only Russian. Fortunately there are several translators/chaperons who come along with the kids so we will have access to them when we first meet at the airport tomorrow. At some point during the 5-week visit, we will be letting one of the chaperons stay with us for a few days (which is why I really needed to get our other bathroom functional!) However, once we leave the airport, we are “on our own”, and life becomes a big game of charades. Supposedly the chaperons are available by phone 24/7 in case a child suffers a major meltdown and the charades game just isn’t working!

Fortunately for Jo an I, we have two blessings in our corner. First, I have a co-worker named Naira who speaks native Russian, and she has generously offered her phone-support services if we ever get into a jam. And second, we met a new volunteer at the animal shelter last month named Ayrina who came from the Ukraine and speaks both Ukrainian and Russian. That means Tonya will have someone to chat with when we bring her to the shelter! Having these two people “on hand” is a great comfort to me, and I am interested to see how often we call upon them to help us out.

We have met many others who have hosted before and they all swear that the language is not the biggest issue. They somehow failed to warn us what the biggest issue IS, but I guess it is probably as different as each child. We have been told that most Russians despise this hosting program, and that they discourage the kids from partaking by telling them that “Americans kill young children to harvest their organs.” (Thanks guys! I’m sure that will make our job much easier over here.)

We have purchased a picture book called “The First Thousand Words in Russian” which has a picture of pretty much EVERYTHING along with its Russian name spelled underneath and a phonetic English translation. So when we want Tonya to, say, brush her teeth, we will point at the toothbrush picture and hope she gets it. Other things, like using an American toilet, might be more challenging. We are told that in the orphanage toilet paper is thrown in the trash, not flushed. THAT will make for a fun game of charades!

Talking with others who have gone through this before has definitely helped prep us. We have learned that life at the orphanage is very militant. With minimal adult supervision, the older kids rule over the younger kids. Children awake at the same time every day and stand in their rooms until they are “released” to get breakfast, which is very simple… often some fresh fruit or perhaps a bowl of oatmeal. They do not know about “choosing” what to eat or what to wear. They have never had more food than they can eat. (We have been warned that they will almost certainly hide leftover food and sneak it up to their rooms for later and that we should check under the bed and in their backpacks for rotting fruit!) Bathing is most likely a weekly event for them. These kids have probably never had a hot shower, or even imagined sitting in a warm tub full of bubbles. They have never had an eye exam. If they have seen a dentist, there was no “gas” or “Novocaine” involved in whatever procedure was done, and they are most likely terrified of dentists. Go figure. Most sadly, they have probably never received any individualized attention, which is what they crave the most. Kids do extra chores to try and gain the favor of the orphanage staff in hopes of getting some extra attention.

So, our mission in the next 5 weeks is to give one of these kids a real family life and a chance to experience the luxuries we take for granted every day. We will take day trips and a few overnight trips including camping and to the beach. (They have never seen an ocean before.) We will also take her for an eye exam and a dental cleaning. We will visit with cousins and friends and family, and have picnics and pool parties. We will have several events planned with the other hosting families in the New England area so the kids can play together and the “parents” can talk. Most importantly we will stay at home, do yard work together, clean together, then watch Disney movies and eat popcorn. You see, this is about spending TIME, not about “buying her stuff”. She can only take back what fits in her suitcase, and everything that goes back with her becomes community property at the orphanage. The only thing that belongs to her in five weeks is her memories, so we will focus on that.

As I write this, I realize that somewhere on the other side of the world a very brave 11-year old girl and many of her companions have already started what must be a terrifying adventure involving buses, trains, and planes. Godspeed my little friends.

Two Days Until Tonya!

Foreword: I have never been a “blogger” before, but given the events of my life which will be unfolding over the next 5 weeks, I would really like to have a written log of everything… ideally on a daily basis. So, this blog is more for me than you, but you are welcome to read

After a year of anticipation about hosting an orphan child, it is hard to believe that it is actually going to happen!! In 2 days we will be sharing our home with an 11-year old Russian girl named Tonya! The past 2 weeks have been full of frantic home repairs; replacing the carpeted main stairway with stained oak steps, putting finishing touches on crown moulding, re-painting the dining room and kitchen area, and making our downstairs bathroom (previously known as the “cat bathroom”) worthy of human occupants (fresh paint, new toilet, new mirror, new light fixture, new towel racks, etc.).

Of course, all of this occurred only after the preparation of “Tonya’s Room”, which is in every sense a “new room” in our house, created by the strategic re-routing of walls & closets to make it a decent-sized space for a child. Everything from floor to ceiling is brand-spanking new. We have a twin bed and matching dresser for her, and everything is done in a nice bright flowery/polka-dottie sort of theme. Hopefully all those bright colors won’t keep her up at night.

We hosted a small get-together of shelter friends last night, which forced us to pull together all of our dangling home improvement projects. Today, only the smallest of tasks are left to do… put in a doorknob here, stick an air conditioner there, hang some photos over here.

For those of you wondering about the hosting program, it is sponsored by a group called “New Horizons for Children”. (http://www.newhorizonsforchildren.org/horizons/main.html) They organize trips for orhpaned children from Latvia and Russia to come to the United States and stay with a host family. They typically organize 2 trips per year, one over the Christmas holiday and another over the Summer. There are over 50 children coming this summer to stay with host families all around the Eastern USA. As far as the kids are concerned, this is a VACATION, not a potential permanent home. We are not even allowed to utter the word “adoption” around the kids, and perhaps more challenging still, we are to prevent others from using that word too! No matter what, all of these kids go back to their respective orphanages in the beginning of August. If the “A-word” is something that we wish to pursue, it is a completely separate measure handled by a completely different agency.

Oh yeah… Did I mention that Tonya only speaks Russian? More on that later. Thanks for reading.