08-27: Baby Steps

Hi everyone,

Well, Jo and I had so much fun camping in VT two weekends ago that we decided to go again last weekend. This time just the two of us, with the dogs kenneled. We went to one of our favorite spots WAY up north and had splendid weather right up until 2:00 AM Monday morning, when a brief thundershower passed by. Still, it was totally relaxing, and I found some of the ‘inner peace’ that I sorely needed in my life and am using it to help push out the ‘outer anger’ which has been prevalent for too long.

While I have not had much opportuninity to work on Tonya’s book (1 chapter down, 1 in the works), it IS something I am going to continue to work on when life allows. Right now, my priority has to be to find some kind of work. The dozen+ resumes I have sent out have not yielded anything except one automated message that said, “Due to the high volume of resumes currently being received, this is the only acknowledgement you are going to get.”  I have embarked on a new approach, essentially picking the one company I’d like to work for the most and doing a little online help project for them. Maybe that will score me a callback or, God willing, an interview.  (An actual job offer is inconceivable to me at this point.)  Man, it was so much easier in the 80’s when a person with my qualifications could always go build bombs for the D.o.D.

Anyway, Joanne is full-time back to work now, even though classes don’t start until 9/2. (Yes teachers, that is your union at work for you!) The morning air feels like Fall and there is that sense that summer is on notice and preparing to be dispatched like so many Plantation, FL employees.  (Sorry… still bitter about the job thing. It’s probably just the stress of living without money.)

As far as adoption proceedings go, we have sent in our $2500 ‘finders fee’ check and it has been cashed, so the hosting agency knows we are serious about moving forward.  We are going to have our first of several required ‘home visits’ this Friday morning.  It will be conducted by the same social worker who did our pre-Tonya inspection last year, so there is no need to try and impress a new person.  In fact, the house looks a 100% better than the last time she was here!  Tonya didn’t even have a room back then!!  At this point, every step in the process has a price tag attached to it, and there are MANY steps ahead.

We do not yet know if Tonya received the ‘gallon bag of goodies’ that we sent over with the hosting agency representatives.  I believe they started their trip in Latvia the other day and will work up to St. Petersburg.  They keep us informed through the hosting agency’s Yahoo group. We also don’t know if Tonya ever received her MP3 player which we shipped separately 2 days after she left.  Even though we paid $40 to have it trackable, all we know is that it DID make it through Russian customs (after sitting a week) and that ‘a delivery attempt was made’.

The focal point of our lives as of late has been our niece, Lexi, who received her bone marrow transplant last week and is now dealing with the many horrible side effects that come with that procedure and the accompanying radiation treatment. It has been an up and down week for her, with things changing almost by the hour.  Please continue to pray for Lexi, and her parents Rick & Gail, that they can all find the strength to get through this and get back to “normal”… whatever that was.

Thanks for tuning in.  I’m off to continue my job quest.

-Dave-

08-18: Just checking in!

Hi everyone,

Jo and I had a great weekend camping up in Burlington, VT with longtime friends John & Barb, their daughter Dagny and her friend Niku. Although showers were expected, they held off until after we left on Sunday.  It felt GREAT to get out of the house and just AWAY FROM IT ALL.  Don’t know why we don’t go camping more often.  It’s a great way for friends to hang out… mostly because once you set up your camp, there isn’t much else to do… other than to listen to the probable domestic violence taking place in the nearby tent.  Who needs TV!!

Anyway, just wanted to check in and say ‘hi’.  My Niece, Lexi, will be having her bone marrow transplant tomorrow, so a few prayers if you don’t mind.  I’ll keep you posted.

Best wishes to my friends in Ft. Lauderdale… hope the hurricane(s) steer clear of you!

-Dave-

08-14: Is this how you spell ‘Epipheny’?

Hi everyone,

I don’t have much for you in terms of Tonya updates.  We have heard that the orphanages close for the summer and the kids are sent to nearby camps. We just don’t know for sure.  The New Horizons Group is going to be sending over some representatives on 8/23 to go visit the orphanages.  They told all the host parents that if they prepared a gallon-sized bag full of “stuff” they could bring it over to the kids, so Jo and I already have our bag full of stickers, beads, lip gloss, and other girl stuff ready to go for Tonya.  We’ll mail it to New Horizons later today.

Several people have inquired about the recent escalation of violence between the republic of Georgia and Russia and how that might affect things.  We have been watching and wondering the same thing.  First off, the actual fighting is far enough away from where Tonya is so she is out of harm’s way. (It would help if we actually knew where she is though).  The real damage (to us) is the political strain it creates between the USA (who has to back Georgia) and Russia.  It seems that long before American Liberals (i.e. the media) learned to adopt the attitude of ‘blame America first’, it had already been practiced in Russia for over 40 years.  So… this whole skirmish has heightened anti-American hatred to cold war levels.  (Apparently Russia is still PO’d at the US for “dissolving the Soviet Union Superpower”.  If they just read the NY Times they would know that it was Gorbachov who got them here because Reagan was asleep that whole decade.)  Long story short, the one thing we can all agree upon is that the U.S.A. is evil. 

Joanne read me an article from some reporter near the war zone who basically said that ‘The Georgia conflict has re-ignited hatred for the USA, ESPECIALLY IN ST. PETERSBURG, where American visitors would do best to lay low and hide their identity, including the way they walk.’  (I didn’t know Americans had ‘a walk’.  Maybe they mean ‘upright’?)   I don’t know about you, but I sure can’t wait to get there!

So… that’s all we have on Tonya for now. Our personal situation is getting real tight.  The New Horizons agency had been pushing really hard for us to pay a $2500 ‘finders fee’ for Tonya… you know, just to solidify our intent to adopt.  They even called us about it yesterday morning.  We were afraid that if we didn’t pay it, they would put Tonya back on the ‘Available’ list. So, we are going to transfer the last of our survival money over to them.  

I had a mandatory meeting at the Unemployment Office yesterday morning.  They do this every few weeks so they can check your work logs and teach you some new skills. One of the topics covered was ‘Interview Skills”.  The instructor said that some companies like to use “high stress” interview technique where they ask you intentionally befuddling questions. For instance, “What is the one word you would use to best describe yourself?”  The class broke up when I immediately blurted out, “Unemployed”.

I also learned that I had been selected for a special survey that the Federal Govt likes to conduct.  Apparently because of my income level AND occupation, I am not expected to be able to find work in the normal time frame (typically 6-9 weeks).  THAT’s a real confidence builder.

Anyway, with all of that in the back of my mind, I sort of had an epiphany yesterday while I was BBQ-ing.  I saw myself waiving my lottery subscription up at God and going “Duh!”; Then God was waiving something at me and also going “Duh!”.  First off, How many people get to hear the Almight say “Duh”?  But the real point was, God was trying to tell me something… something he had made so painfully obvious in my life that he actually said “Duh”.  As I thought back on the past few weeks, I looked for reocurring patterns. Then it hit me. Duh!  A writer!  I mean, I’m already a writer, so I guess what He meant was an Author.  For weeks, not 3 days have gone by where someone hasn’t said, “You ought to be a writer.” (To which I’d reply… I AM!!!)  Several others had advised me to turn Tonya’s story into a book and call it “Spaghetti Nachos”, which, I believe, is a sure way to get it misplaced in the Cooking section at Barnes & Noble.   Anyway, I have decided to pursue this venture.  So, hopefully I can get a few chapters written, send it off to a publisher, get some sort of cash advance to finish it, and perhaps stay in our house for another month or two.  Now, if ANY of you reading this happen to know someone who might know someone who possibly had an affair with someone whose blackmailing someone else who happens to work in the publishing industry… please send them my way!

I’ll keep you posted.

-Dave-

08-09: Parting Moments

Hi everyone… I’m sure you are shocked to see 2 posts in 2 days.  Me too.  But yesterday’s was just a ‘guilt post’ to make me feel better.  Today we’ll do some real reminiscing.   By the time you read this, there should be new photos at the bottom of the page. These are from our last week with Tonya.

I’d like to go back to last Saturday (8/2)… the day we took Tonya to the airport.  It was a kind of surreal morning. The whole week prior Tonya would begin each day by holding up some number of fingers representing the number of days left and then pretending to cry and be upset.  Come Saturday, there were no fingers left… only the tears.  Tonya barely ate anything that morning.  We had a little free time so I fired up the Wii and her and I played some Tennis and some bowling.  She wanted to keep playing longer, but I knew it was getting close to “go time”, so I told her to get her bags together and maybe if there was time later, we could play more. (There wasn’t.)

Joanne had packed Tonya’s suitcase to the brim, to the point where it took both of us to zip it up.  It weighed almost 43 lbs… about 18lbs less than her!

While Joanne and Tonya were taking care of some last minute stuff, I was frantically putting last minute photos on her mp3 player.  I wanted to make sure she had a picture of every cat, and a few surprise pictures of Mama & Papa… ones she hadn’t seen before. Finally at 10:15AM, it was time to leave.   Tonya had to visit every cat and say ‘bubbye’.  “Bubbye Mondo…” “Bubbye Maizey…”  “Bubby Voo” (Roo)… and she also gave hugs to Moose and Taarna.  The house suddenly had that kind of feeling you get when you walk into a funeral parlor.  Just an inane sadness.  Even the animals seemed to know what was going on. Joanne and I decided not to bring a camera as this was a day we wouldn’t really want to remember.

The ride to Logan airport in Boston was pretty quiet.  We had grown accustomed to Tonya plugging in her mp3 player whenever we rode in the car (i.e. the machina).  She would sing along, quite loudly, and we would have to tell her politely to “hushhhhhh….”.  This time, she didn’t use the mp3.  We figured it was because she wanted to save the battery for the flight.

We actually made it to the airport on time, and this time we were smart enough to pay close attention to where we were parked.  Being back in the same parking garage brought us back to the moment when we picked her up and we couldn’t believe it was all behind us. Still, we all had our “brave faces” on as we headed for the Jet Blue terminal.  As we got on the final escalator where we were to check in, Tonya immediately spotted her friend Lenna and got excited.  At that point, it was just good to see her smiling about something.

There were only 4 kids from the New England group and the chaperone, Ludmilla, that were flying out of Boston. These are the same people that we had seen and spoke with at the earlier group events and been in touch with by email.  We felt more like “old army buddies” that had been through something together than the near-strangers that we actually were.  We were all emotional wrecks, but somehow we all held it together.  We causually threw arms around each other, played with each other’s kids, and tried to be upbeat and silly… as if our hearts were still going to be intact by the end of the day.

After the kids had checked in their luggage, we learned that their 1:30 flight had been bumped back to 5:30. Not great news, but at that point we were all thinking “4 more hours to be together!”.  We all went for lunch together, like a big family.  It only took one cell phone call from New York to change everything.  Apparently Jet Blue was closing down flights along the Eastern seaboard due to lightning storms in the area.  The organizers in NY wanted us to drive the kids to JFK airport to make sure they didn’t miss their international flight.  Kevin Clay, who owned a nice 3-seater minivan, graciously volunteered to take the kids and Ludmilla. Unfortunately there was no room for the luggage.  I threw out the idea of me renting a car and following Kevin to NY with the bags, but by the time we got the bags back from baggage claim, we would have lost precious travel time.

Anyway, after Olga (the translator) explains what is going on to the kids and Ludmilla, the story ends with this long drawn out precession of people slowly trudging towards the parking garage, and eventually through the parking garage.  We knew there was nothing ahead but heartbreak, and Joanne and I walked behind Tonya and Lenna, not even wanting to blink for fear of losing sight of her.

{author’s note:  I’m blubbering here, so excuse me if I hit some wrong keys]

Initially I’m not sure if Tonya understood the finality of the situation. When we reached the van and Kevin opened up all the doors and the tailgate, Tonya just followed Lenna right into the rear seat.  She didn’t turn back to hug us or anything.  Oddly enough, we had parked just a few spaces away such that we had to walk past our car to get to Kevin’s.  Tonya suddenly remembered something she had left in our car and jumped out of the van to go get it.  (It was a Happy Meal toy.)  As she headed back toward the van, we were able to get our last hugs in.  Mama and I took turns saying “Mama and Papa love you”.  I used a finger to outline a heart shape right over my heart as I said it… making sure there was misunderstanding.  We SO wanted to convey that we were going to see her again, but the only words we had to convey that were “No bubbye”.  Over and over again we said it… “No bubbye… No bubbye”.  After the final hug, she crawled back into the back of the van.  Joanne and I went around to the back of the open tailgate and placed our hands onto her neck and shoulders.  We just stared at each other with tears streaming down all of our faces.  It was the MOST genuine emotion I had ever seen from her, and I felt at that moment like she would have stayed with us if it were at all within her power.

Because one of the children required a child’s seat, we had to wait a bit, and actually had about ten minutes to just stand there and touch her, say comforting words, and wipe the tears from her eyes.  Before long however, the seat arrived and with a real sense of urgency the doors all closed and Tonya’s face was lost behind dark tinted glass. We could barely see her silhouette as the van slowly backed up, then pulled away through the parking garage.  Joanne and I waved and waved until we were sure she couldn’t see us anymore.

With the kids gone, Joanne, Aileen, Olga, and myself had to go back into the airport to get the kids’ luggage un-checked.  We did… but you know… that part of the day might as well not exist.  It was over.

-papa out-

08-08: Where to go from here

Hello everyone.  My name is Dave, and I’m a Wii Golf Addict.  If you’re wondering why I don’t write that often, it’s because I’m playing Tiger Woods 2008 every single night.  Weird thing is, I’ve never actually played golf before, but at least now I know that if I did, I’d be awesome.  Perhaps I should change my job status from ‘unemployed’ to ‘between tournaments’.

But anyway, this has been a strange week as Jo and I deal with ‘empty nest’ syndrome. Granted, it’s not all bad.  I’ve been able to get more done in the past 5 days then in the past 5 weeks, even after accounting for the fact that I can start drinking earlier now!  If we were smart rational people we’d shake off the past 5 weeks like it was a Community Service sentence, feel good about ourselves, then gleefully celebrate our freedom. But we are neither smart nor rational.  We miss this kid.  My desk is splattered with photos of her. Our thoughts are preoccupied with “What is she thinking right now?”  Today we even Google-Mapped the address of the orphanage to get a sense of what her life is like. (BTW, it looks like a nice residential part of town, one block away from the river. I think I’d move there myself… which actually becomes an option if my job situation doesn’t improve soon. Gotta figure… U.S. vs. Russia… at least they are moving TOWARDS capitalism.)

Anyway… long story short, we fell in love with the kid and now we have to figure out how to get her back. While I (personally) haven’t ruled out the ‘Stripes’ tactic (i.e. fly into Finland, rent an urban assault vehicle, zip into St. Petersburg [the Russian equivalent of Wisconsin], pick her up and zip out), Joanne is content to pay mega-gobs of $$ to do it “legally”.  Psssh. That is SO 80’s.  But, she’s the boss and probably the sole reason why we’re not at war with Russia right now, so we’ll play it her way (for now).

The next step for us is to undergo a complete ‘home study’. We had to undergo a ‘partial home study’ to qualify for hosting, but adoption requires the full Monty.  I’m not sure what the difference is other than $1500, but I think I’d better keep my booze stashed away until it is over. [Wow... I wonder if anyone thinks I'm serious about all this?]

I realize I do owe you all a few stories about the final days and minutes with Tonya, and I WILL get there… just not tonight.  It has just been a busy week full of ASC (Animal Shelter Crap).  [For those of you who don't know, I am president of a non-profit group that runs the Manchester Animal Shelter in NH.  No pay, just glory.]  Things should settle down in the next week and I will be able to better reflect on recent events.  Sorry… I’m just pretty battered right now.  You know you’re not quite right in the head when everytime you drive over roadkill you say to yourself: “That lucky son of a gun”.  The important thing is, I’m not depressed.

Thanks for coming in… I’m here ’till Thursday… try the fish!  [sorry... it's a Shrek thing]

Peace out,

ex-Papa

08-03:Luggage Run!

Hey everyone… Our plans to stay home and sleep late this morning started out well enough, but upon stumbling downstairs and checking the phone messages at 10:00 AM, I saw a string of missed calls from Aileen Clay (the regional coordinator) that were placed a few minutes apart.  That usually indicates that something important is going on.  She did leave a voice message and implied that IF we could get all the kids’ luggage down to Wrentham, Massachusetts by 12:30 PM that one of the other host families (Jeff & Lisa) could drive the bags to JFK airport and they could go out with the final group of Russian kids, who had been delayed 1 day. [If you missed my last post about how the kids and luggage got separated in Boston, please go back and read.]

Anyway, since we had Tonya’s suitcase and Aileen had all the other suitcases, I told Aileen that we could swing by, pick up the bags from her place and deliver them down to Wrentham.  It seemed the least we could do since Aileen’s husband, Kevin, had driven the kids from Boston to JFK the previous day. Of course, at that time I had no idea where Wrentham was, other than in Massachusetts.  It was only after I Googled the address that I learned that Wrentham, MA is basically in northern Rhode Island.

Anyway, Jo and I poured our coffee into travel mugs, grabbed a box of granola bars, and with Google Maps in hand we bleerily hit the road.  Aileen lives about 30 minutes south of us, and after transferring the bags, it was another 20+ minutes East back to the main highway.  When we hit Lowell, MA at noontime with 50 miles still to go, I knew that 12:30 wasn’t going to be realistic.  We called Jeff & Lisa and squeemishly asked if 1:00 would be too late.  “That should still be fine!” came the reply. (I guess Aileen told me 12:30 just to motivate me to drive like an idiot. Hmm.  It worked.)  So that was basically it…. our planned day or relaxation and reflection turned into yet another long day of driving in the car.  On the upside, we discovered this awesome upscale Dunkin’ Donuts in Wrentham. They actually make Boston-cream munchkins (each with a little dab of chocolate on top), and chocolate & vanilla cream-filled munchkins.  Our 100-mile trip back north was basically fueled with sugar and caffeine.

When we finally got home around 4PM, our friend David Mirasolo was waiting for us. (We had invited David over as he too was sad about Tonya and wanted to make sure Jo and I were okay. He’s a real good guy… the kind who doesn’t look at all out of place riding on a merry-go-round inside of a mall.) We had some much-needed dinner and passed most of the night playing Wii games.

Later that evening,  Joanne received an email from Aileen who was spreading the word that the luggage had arrived at JFK and that it should be no more than 1 day behind the children who left yesterday.  (I can’t even convey how important that is to Jo and I and ALL the host parents. That luggage contained all the “stuff” from their visit and its sentimental value is incalculable. The kids were devastated in Boston when we told them that their luggage may take weeks to get there.)  But… there is even more important news for us. We also heard that Tonya’s group had arrived SAFELY in St. Petersburg, Russia and that she was back at the orphanage.   

Tommorow, Joanne and I start to organize our efforts and get our ducks in a row.  She’s going to look into getting our “home study” done (which is step 1 in any adoption) and I am going to look for a 6-figure job with a 5-figure signing bonus.  Then I’ll probably go to the package store and buy a lot of lottery tickets. 

Finally… some people had asked if this blog was going to continue now that Tonya was gone.  Right now, my intention is to keep it active.  I think documenting the upcoming adoption process, along with its ineveitable pitfalls, may prove valuable to others who are considering the same route.  Of course, that depends entirely on how many jobs Jo and I have to work to keep our house. Foreign adoption agencies really frown on granting kids to homeless families. In America, the homeless family could sue the agency for discrimination, win a 7-figure lawsuit backed by the ACLU, and use it to send the kid to law school.  (God Bless America.)  But I digress.  There are also a collection of thoughts and feelings that surround Tonya’s visit that I never really got to put into words.  Up to now, I have focused more on the factual events of each day, but there were a lot of thoughts, doubts, fears, and realizations that surrounded every moment.  I’d like to share these experiences as they may inspire others to overcome their fears and consider taking a similar journey.  

Gnight All.

8-02: Bub-bye Tonya

Just a very brief update on the day.  Jo and I were notified around 1:00 AM that the flights had changed and that we needed to have Tonya at Boston Airport by 12:30PM (instead of 2:00PM).   Having accomplished that, we learned that Jet Blue was shutting down flights left and right due to thunder storms on the east coast.  Since the kids HAD to be at JFK by evening to catch their international flight, the only recourse was to drive them there. So, Kevin Clay (a host parent and helluva guy) offerred to drive all 4 kids and Ludmilla (the chaperone) to New York in his mini van.  Unfortunately, everyone’s luggage was already checked, so Joanne, Ailee, Olga, and me stood in a 90-minute line at the Jet Blue counter so we could cancel the kids flights to NY and reclaim their luggage.  That actually went pretty smooth.  So the 4 of us and 5 pieces of luggage crammed ourselves into our Jeep Liberty and headed back up to NH.  When we dropped off the last person (Aileen), the car seemed oddly silent. Jo and I hadn’t been alone in the car together for weeks, and the silence was a deafining reminder of what was now missing in our lives.

Jo and I stopped at the grocery store to pick up some essentials for the rest of the weekend… and a nice steak. (We’ve sort of been in the hotdog, pasta, and pizza rut for the past 5 weeks.)  Dinner (alone together) gave us time to reflect and time to think ahead about all we need to do.  Everytime we said or did anything (like shoo a cat off the table), we heard Tonya’s inevitable reaction in our heads. (Oh Paaapa… noooo.) 

Anyway, Jo and I are pretty down right now, and all I really wanted to share with you all was that we were recently notified that Tonya, her friend Lenna, and Ludmilla were able to catch an 8:00PM flight out of JFK, headed for Europe.  Unfortunately her luggage is still with us, but Mama and I are going to take care of that on Monday and see if we can’t FedEx or UPS it out to her.  Hey… what’s another couple hundred bucks of shipping charges in the grand scheme of things? 

We’ll keep you posted as we hear more about her progress.  It seems like only 2 weeks ago I was wishing them all GodSpeed on their trip over here.  I hope the next 6-8 months goes by as quickly.

Once I get stablilized, I’d like to write about our final minutes with Tonya.  I just can’t do it right now. Papa has to go remember where he hid all the alco-ma-hol. 

Thanks all for your continued prayers and messages of support. Please pray that Tonya arrives “home” safely… and that she can come back Home again soon.   Sad Papa Out.

7-31: Last full day

Hey all… I know I have a whole week to catch you up on, and I promise I will… just probably not tonight.  We have had a wonderful “last week” though.  Aunt Carol and Anna came up to visit for 2 nights, David Mirasolo came over with his Mario Bros. games for Wii, and we have received some wonderful phone messages from friends and family who sympathize with what we must be feeling right now.

As I started to write this, Tonya and Mama were sitting on the floor 3-feet behind me, printing and trimming the final photos for Tonya’s 2nd photo album, (That’s the 2nd 100-page photo album.)  We’ll share these photos up on the Zude page when we get the chance.  Today being the last full day, we decided to let Tonya decide what to do.  We bounced off a lot of weird things (ice skating, bungie jumping) and a few normal ones (swimming) before she finally decided that she’d like to go back to Canobie Lake Amusement Park, where she went with Anna & Mama 2 weeks earlier.  We spent the entire day there, and the noise and distractions proved to be just the thing to keep our minds off the inevitable.  And even though Papa isn’t much for amusement parks, I did manage to go on a few rides… though mostly I was tasked with photography. Anyway, we have a bunch of great photos to share with you later on.

As I write THIS, Mama & I have just tucked in Tonya for the last time. Putting her to bed was always the favorite time for me. With the stresses of the day behind me, my affection for Tonya could really shine through and I could express my emotions to her more freely.  Tonight, that affection is taking the shape of tears.  As of late, the stresses of the day have been overwhelming for me, driving me to depression in the daylight hours. The nightime has been my savior. I wonder what will save me tomorrow night?

Gotta go now.  We have a big mean ugly nasty emotional day ahead of us.  Mama and I may just unplug the phones and computers for the weekend so we can hit the ground running on Monday.  We have a LOT of work ahead of us if we plan to see Tonya again.

Thanks for tuning in…

Papa out.