08-27: Baby Steps

Hi everyone,

Well, Jo and I had so much fun camping in VT two weekends ago that we decided to go again last weekend. This time just the two of us, with the dogs kenneled. We went to one of our favorite spots WAY up north and had splendid weather right up until 2:00 AM Monday morning, when a brief thundershower passed by. Still, it was totally relaxing, and I found some of the ‘inner peace’ that I sorely needed in my life and am using it to help push out the ‘outer anger’ which has been prevalent for too long.

While I have not had much opportuninity to work on Tonya’s book (1 chapter down, 1 in the works), it IS something I am going to continue to work on when life allows. Right now, my priority has to be to find some kind of work. The dozen+ resumes I have sent out have not yielded anything except one automated message that said, “Due to the high volume of resumes currently being received, this is the only acknowledgement you are going to get.”  I have embarked on a new approach, essentially picking the one company I’d like to work for the most and doing a little online help project for them. Maybe that will score me a callback or, God willing, an interview.  (An actual job offer is inconceivable to me at this point.)  Man, it was so much easier in the 80’s when a person with my qualifications could always go build bombs for the D.o.D.

Anyway, Joanne is full-time back to work now, even though classes don’t start until 9/2. (Yes teachers, that is your union at work for you!) The morning air feels like Fall and there is that sense that summer is on notice and preparing to be dispatched like so many Plantation, FL employees.  (Sorry… still bitter about the job thing. It’s probably just the stress of living without money.)

As far as adoption proceedings go, we have sent in our $2500 ‘finders fee’ check and it has been cashed, so the hosting agency knows we are serious about moving forward.  We are going to have our first of several required ‘home visits’ this Friday morning.  It will be conducted by the same social worker who did our pre-Tonya inspection last year, so there is no need to try and impress a new person.  In fact, the house looks a 100% better than the last time she was here!  Tonya didn’t even have a room back then!!  At this point, every step in the process has a price tag attached to it, and there are MANY steps ahead.

We do not yet know if Tonya received the ‘gallon bag of goodies’ that we sent over with the hosting agency representatives.  I believe they started their trip in Latvia the other day and will work up to St. Petersburg.  They keep us informed through the hosting agency’s Yahoo group. We also don’t know if Tonya ever received her MP3 player which we shipped separately 2 days after she left.  Even though we paid $40 to have it trackable, all we know is that it DID make it through Russian customs (after sitting a week) and that ‘a delivery attempt was made’.

The focal point of our lives as of late has been our niece, Lexi, who received her bone marrow transplant last week and is now dealing with the many horrible side effects that come with that procedure and the accompanying radiation treatment. It has been an up and down week for her, with things changing almost by the hour.  Please continue to pray for Lexi, and her parents Rick & Gail, that they can all find the strength to get through this and get back to “normal”… whatever that was.

Thanks for tuning in.  I’m off to continue my job quest.

-Dave-

08-14: Is this how you spell ‘Epipheny’?

Hi everyone,

I don’t have much for you in terms of Tonya updates.  We have heard that the orphanages close for the summer and the kids are sent to nearby camps. We just don’t know for sure.  The New Horizons Group is going to be sending over some representatives on 8/23 to go visit the orphanages.  They told all the host parents that if they prepared a gallon-sized bag full of “stuff” they could bring it over to the kids, so Jo and I already have our bag full of stickers, beads, lip gloss, and other girl stuff ready to go for Tonya.  We’ll mail it to New Horizons later today.

Several people have inquired about the recent escalation of violence between the republic of Georgia and Russia and how that might affect things.  We have been watching and wondering the same thing.  First off, the actual fighting is far enough away from where Tonya is so she is out of harm’s way. (It would help if we actually knew where she is though).  The real damage (to us) is the political strain it creates between the USA (who has to back Georgia) and Russia.  It seems that long before American Liberals (i.e. the media) learned to adopt the attitude of ‘blame America first’, it had already been practiced in Russia for over 40 years.  So… this whole skirmish has heightened anti-American hatred to cold war levels.  (Apparently Russia is still PO’d at the US for “dissolving the Soviet Union Superpower”.  If they just read the NY Times they would know that it was Gorbachov who got them here because Reagan was asleep that whole decade.)  Long story short, the one thing we can all agree upon is that the U.S.A. is evil. 

Joanne read me an article from some reporter near the war zone who basically said that ‘The Georgia conflict has re-ignited hatred for the USA, ESPECIALLY IN ST. PETERSBURG, where American visitors would do best to lay low and hide their identity, including the way they walk.’  (I didn’t know Americans had ‘a walk’.  Maybe they mean ‘upright’?)   I don’t know about you, but I sure can’t wait to get there!

So… that’s all we have on Tonya for now. Our personal situation is getting real tight.  The New Horizons agency had been pushing really hard for us to pay a $2500 ‘finders fee’ for Tonya… you know, just to solidify our intent to adopt.  They even called us about it yesterday morning.  We were afraid that if we didn’t pay it, they would put Tonya back on the ‘Available’ list. So, we are going to transfer the last of our survival money over to them.  

I had a mandatory meeting at the Unemployment Office yesterday morning.  They do this every few weeks so they can check your work logs and teach you some new skills. One of the topics covered was ‘Interview Skills”.  The instructor said that some companies like to use “high stress” interview technique where they ask you intentionally befuddling questions. For instance, “What is the one word you would use to best describe yourself?”  The class broke up when I immediately blurted out, “Unemployed”.

I also learned that I had been selected for a special survey that the Federal Govt likes to conduct.  Apparently because of my income level AND occupation, I am not expected to be able to find work in the normal time frame (typically 6-9 weeks).  THAT’s a real confidence builder.

Anyway, with all of that in the back of my mind, I sort of had an epiphany yesterday while I was BBQ-ing.  I saw myself waiving my lottery subscription up at God and going “Duh!”; Then God was waiving something at me and also going “Duh!”.  First off, How many people get to hear the Almight say “Duh”?  But the real point was, God was trying to tell me something… something he had made so painfully obvious in my life that he actually said “Duh”.  As I thought back on the past few weeks, I looked for reocurring patterns. Then it hit me. Duh!  A writer!  I mean, I’m already a writer, so I guess what He meant was an Author.  For weeks, not 3 days have gone by where someone hasn’t said, “You ought to be a writer.” (To which I’d reply… I AM!!!)  Several others had advised me to turn Tonya’s story into a book and call it “Spaghetti Nachos”, which, I believe, is a sure way to get it misplaced in the Cooking section at Barnes & Noble.   Anyway, I have decided to pursue this venture.  So, hopefully I can get a few chapters written, send it off to a publisher, get some sort of cash advance to finish it, and perhaps stay in our house for another month or two.  Now, if ANY of you reading this happen to know someone who might know someone who possibly had an affair with someone whose blackmailing someone else who happens to work in the publishing industry… please send them my way!

I’ll keep you posted.

-Dave-

08-09: Parting Moments

Hi everyone… I’m sure you are shocked to see 2 posts in 2 days.  Me too.  But yesterday’s was just a ‘guilt post’ to make me feel better.  Today we’ll do some real reminiscing.   By the time you read this, there should be new photos at the bottom of the page. These are from our last week with Tonya.

I’d like to go back to last Saturday (8/2)… the day we took Tonya to the airport.  It was a kind of surreal morning. The whole week prior Tonya would begin each day by holding up some number of fingers representing the number of days left and then pretending to cry and be upset.  Come Saturday, there were no fingers left… only the tears.  Tonya barely ate anything that morning.  We had a little free time so I fired up the Wii and her and I played some Tennis and some bowling.  She wanted to keep playing longer, but I knew it was getting close to “go time”, so I told her to get her bags together and maybe if there was time later, we could play more. (There wasn’t.)

Joanne had packed Tonya’s suitcase to the brim, to the point where it took both of us to zip it up.  It weighed almost 43 lbs… about 18lbs less than her!

While Joanne and Tonya were taking care of some last minute stuff, I was frantically putting last minute photos on her mp3 player.  I wanted to make sure she had a picture of every cat, and a few surprise pictures of Mama & Papa… ones she hadn’t seen before. Finally at 10:15AM, it was time to leave.   Tonya had to visit every cat and say ‘bubbye’.  “Bubbye Mondo…” “Bubbye Maizey…”  “Bubby Voo” (Roo)… and she also gave hugs to Moose and Taarna.  The house suddenly had that kind of feeling you get when you walk into a funeral parlor.  Just an inane sadness.  Even the animals seemed to know what was going on. Joanne and I decided not to bring a camera as this was a day we wouldn’t really want to remember.

The ride to Logan airport in Boston was pretty quiet.  We had grown accustomed to Tonya plugging in her mp3 player whenever we rode in the car (i.e. the machina).  She would sing along, quite loudly, and we would have to tell her politely to “hushhhhhh….”.  This time, she didn’t use the mp3.  We figured it was because she wanted to save the battery for the flight.

We actually made it to the airport on time, and this time we were smart enough to pay close attention to where we were parked.  Being back in the same parking garage brought us back to the moment when we picked her up and we couldn’t believe it was all behind us. Still, we all had our “brave faces” on as we headed for the Jet Blue terminal.  As we got on the final escalator where we were to check in, Tonya immediately spotted her friend Lenna and got excited.  At that point, it was just good to see her smiling about something.

There were only 4 kids from the New England group and the chaperone, Ludmilla, that were flying out of Boston. These are the same people that we had seen and spoke with at the earlier group events and been in touch with by email.  We felt more like “old army buddies” that had been through something together than the near-strangers that we actually were.  We were all emotional wrecks, but somehow we all held it together.  We causually threw arms around each other, played with each other’s kids, and tried to be upbeat and silly… as if our hearts were still going to be intact by the end of the day.

After the kids had checked in their luggage, we learned that their 1:30 flight had been bumped back to 5:30. Not great news, but at that point we were all thinking “4 more hours to be together!”.  We all went for lunch together, like a big family.  It only took one cell phone call from New York to change everything.  Apparently Jet Blue was closing down flights along the Eastern seaboard due to lightning storms in the area.  The organizers in NY wanted us to drive the kids to JFK airport to make sure they didn’t miss their international flight.  Kevin Clay, who owned a nice 3-seater minivan, graciously volunteered to take the kids and Ludmilla. Unfortunately there was no room for the luggage.  I threw out the idea of me renting a car and following Kevin to NY with the bags, but by the time we got the bags back from baggage claim, we would have lost precious travel time.

Anyway, after Olga (the translator) explains what is going on to the kids and Ludmilla, the story ends with this long drawn out precession of people slowly trudging towards the parking garage, and eventually through the parking garage.  We knew there was nothing ahead but heartbreak, and Joanne and I walked behind Tonya and Lenna, not even wanting to blink for fear of losing sight of her.

{author’s note:  I’m blubbering here, so excuse me if I hit some wrong keys]

Initially I’m not sure if Tonya understood the finality of the situation. When we reached the van and Kevin opened up all the doors and the tailgate, Tonya just followed Lenna right into the rear seat.  She didn’t turn back to hug us or anything.  Oddly enough, we had parked just a few spaces away such that we had to walk past our car to get to Kevin’s.  Tonya suddenly remembered something she had left in our car and jumped out of the van to go get it.  (It was a Happy Meal toy.)  As she headed back toward the van, we were able to get our last hugs in.  Mama and I took turns saying “Mama and Papa love you”.  I used a finger to outline a heart shape right over my heart as I said it… making sure there was misunderstanding.  We SO wanted to convey that we were going to see her again, but the only words we had to convey that were “No bubbye”.  Over and over again we said it… “No bubbye… No bubbye”.  After the final hug, she crawled back into the back of the van.  Joanne and I went around to the back of the open tailgate and placed our hands onto her neck and shoulders.  We just stared at each other with tears streaming down all of our faces.  It was the MOST genuine emotion I had ever seen from her, and I felt at that moment like she would have stayed with us if it were at all within her power.

Because one of the children required a child’s seat, we had to wait a bit, and actually had about ten minutes to just stand there and touch her, say comforting words, and wipe the tears from her eyes.  Before long however, the seat arrived and with a real sense of urgency the doors all closed and Tonya’s face was lost behind dark tinted glass. We could barely see her silhouette as the van slowly backed up, then pulled away through the parking garage.  Joanne and I waved and waved until we were sure she couldn’t see us anymore.

With the kids gone, Joanne, Aileen, Olga, and myself had to go back into the airport to get the kids’ luggage un-checked.  We did… but you know… that part of the day might as well not exist.  It was over.

-papa out-

08-08: Where to go from here

Hello everyone.  My name is Dave, and I’m a Wii Golf Addict.  If you’re wondering why I don’t write that often, it’s because I’m playing Tiger Woods 2008 every single night.  Weird thing is, I’ve never actually played golf before, but at least now I know that if I did, I’d be awesome.  Perhaps I should change my job status from ‘unemployed’ to ‘between tournaments’.

But anyway, this has been a strange week as Jo and I deal with ‘empty nest’ syndrome. Granted, it’s not all bad.  I’ve been able to get more done in the past 5 days then in the past 5 weeks, even after accounting for the fact that I can start drinking earlier now!  If we were smart rational people we’d shake off the past 5 weeks like it was a Community Service sentence, feel good about ourselves, then gleefully celebrate our freedom. But we are neither smart nor rational.  We miss this kid.  My desk is splattered with photos of her. Our thoughts are preoccupied with “What is she thinking right now?”  Today we even Google-Mapped the address of the orphanage to get a sense of what her life is like. (BTW, it looks like a nice residential part of town, one block away from the river. I think I’d move there myself… which actually becomes an option if my job situation doesn’t improve soon. Gotta figure… U.S. vs. Russia… at least they are moving TOWARDS capitalism.)

Anyway… long story short, we fell in love with the kid and now we have to figure out how to get her back. While I (personally) haven’t ruled out the ‘Stripes’ tactic (i.e. fly into Finland, rent an urban assault vehicle, zip into St. Petersburg [the Russian equivalent of Wisconsin], pick her up and zip out), Joanne is content to pay mega-gobs of $$ to do it “legally”.  Psssh. That is SO 80’s.  But, she’s the boss and probably the sole reason why we’re not at war with Russia right now, so we’ll play it her way (for now).

The next step for us is to undergo a complete ‘home study’. We had to undergo a ‘partial home study’ to qualify for hosting, but adoption requires the full Monty.  I’m not sure what the difference is other than $1500, but I think I’d better keep my booze stashed away until it is over. [Wow... I wonder if anyone thinks I'm serious about all this?]

I realize I do owe you all a few stories about the final days and minutes with Tonya, and I WILL get there… just not tonight.  It has just been a busy week full of ASC (Animal Shelter Crap).  [For those of you who don't know, I am president of a non-profit group that runs the Manchester Animal Shelter in NH.  No pay, just glory.]  Things should settle down in the next week and I will be able to better reflect on recent events.  Sorry… I’m just pretty battered right now.  You know you’re not quite right in the head when everytime you drive over roadkill you say to yourself: “That lucky son of a gun”.  The important thing is, I’m not depressed.

Thanks for coming in… I’m here ’till Thursday… try the fish!  [sorry... it's a Shrek thing]

Peace out,

ex-Papa

08-03:Luggage Run!

Hey everyone… Our plans to stay home and sleep late this morning started out well enough, but upon stumbling downstairs and checking the phone messages at 10:00 AM, I saw a string of missed calls from Aileen Clay (the regional coordinator) that were placed a few minutes apart.  That usually indicates that something important is going on.  She did leave a voice message and implied that IF we could get all the kids’ luggage down to Wrentham, Massachusetts by 12:30 PM that one of the other host families (Jeff & Lisa) could drive the bags to JFK airport and they could go out with the final group of Russian kids, who had been delayed 1 day. [If you missed my last post about how the kids and luggage got separated in Boston, please go back and read.]

Anyway, since we had Tonya’s suitcase and Aileen had all the other suitcases, I told Aileen that we could swing by, pick up the bags from her place and deliver them down to Wrentham.  It seemed the least we could do since Aileen’s husband, Kevin, had driven the kids from Boston to JFK the previous day. Of course, at that time I had no idea where Wrentham was, other than in Massachusetts.  It was only after I Googled the address that I learned that Wrentham, MA is basically in northern Rhode Island.

Anyway, Jo and I poured our coffee into travel mugs, grabbed a box of granola bars, and with Google Maps in hand we bleerily hit the road.  Aileen lives about 30 minutes south of us, and after transferring the bags, it was another 20+ minutes East back to the main highway.  When we hit Lowell, MA at noontime with 50 miles still to go, I knew that 12:30 wasn’t going to be realistic.  We called Jeff & Lisa and squeemishly asked if 1:00 would be too late.  “That should still be fine!” came the reply. (I guess Aileen told me 12:30 just to motivate me to drive like an idiot. Hmm.  It worked.)  So that was basically it…. our planned day or relaxation and reflection turned into yet another long day of driving in the car.  On the upside, we discovered this awesome upscale Dunkin’ Donuts in Wrentham. They actually make Boston-cream munchkins (each with a little dab of chocolate on top), and chocolate & vanilla cream-filled munchkins.  Our 100-mile trip back north was basically fueled with sugar and caffeine.

When we finally got home around 4PM, our friend David Mirasolo was waiting for us. (We had invited David over as he too was sad about Tonya and wanted to make sure Jo and I were okay. He’s a real good guy… the kind who doesn’t look at all out of place riding on a merry-go-round inside of a mall.) We had some much-needed dinner and passed most of the night playing Wii games.

Later that evening,  Joanne received an email from Aileen who was spreading the word that the luggage had arrived at JFK and that it should be no more than 1 day behind the children who left yesterday.  (I can’t even convey how important that is to Jo and I and ALL the host parents. That luggage contained all the “stuff” from their visit and its sentimental value is incalculable. The kids were devastated in Boston when we told them that their luggage may take weeks to get there.)  But… there is even more important news for us. We also heard that Tonya’s group had arrived SAFELY in St. Petersburg, Russia and that she was back at the orphanage.   

Tommorow, Joanne and I start to organize our efforts and get our ducks in a row.  She’s going to look into getting our “home study” done (which is step 1 in any adoption) and I am going to look for a 6-figure job with a 5-figure signing bonus.  Then I’ll probably go to the package store and buy a lot of lottery tickets. 

Finally… some people had asked if this blog was going to continue now that Tonya was gone.  Right now, my intention is to keep it active.  I think documenting the upcoming adoption process, along with its ineveitable pitfalls, may prove valuable to others who are considering the same route.  Of course, that depends entirely on how many jobs Jo and I have to work to keep our house. Foreign adoption agencies really frown on granting kids to homeless families. In America, the homeless family could sue the agency for discrimination, win a 7-figure lawsuit backed by the ACLU, and use it to send the kid to law school.  (God Bless America.)  But I digress.  There are also a collection of thoughts and feelings that surround Tonya’s visit that I never really got to put into words.  Up to now, I have focused more on the factual events of each day, but there were a lot of thoughts, doubts, fears, and realizations that surrounded every moment.  I’d like to share these experiences as they may inspire others to overcome their fears and consider taking a similar journey.  

Gnight All.

8-02: Bub-bye Tonya

Just a very brief update on the day.  Jo and I were notified around 1:00 AM that the flights had changed and that we needed to have Tonya at Boston Airport by 12:30PM (instead of 2:00PM).   Having accomplished that, we learned that Jet Blue was shutting down flights left and right due to thunder storms on the east coast.  Since the kids HAD to be at JFK by evening to catch their international flight, the only recourse was to drive them there. So, Kevin Clay (a host parent and helluva guy) offerred to drive all 4 kids and Ludmilla (the chaperone) to New York in his mini van.  Unfortunately, everyone’s luggage was already checked, so Joanne, Ailee, Olga, and me stood in a 90-minute line at the Jet Blue counter so we could cancel the kids flights to NY and reclaim their luggage.  That actually went pretty smooth.  So the 4 of us and 5 pieces of luggage crammed ourselves into our Jeep Liberty and headed back up to NH.  When we dropped off the last person (Aileen), the car seemed oddly silent. Jo and I hadn’t been alone in the car together for weeks, and the silence was a deafining reminder of what was now missing in our lives.

Jo and I stopped at the grocery store to pick up some essentials for the rest of the weekend… and a nice steak. (We’ve sort of been in the hotdog, pasta, and pizza rut for the past 5 weeks.)  Dinner (alone together) gave us time to reflect and time to think ahead about all we need to do.  Everytime we said or did anything (like shoo a cat off the table), we heard Tonya’s inevitable reaction in our heads. (Oh Paaapa… noooo.) 

Anyway, Jo and I are pretty down right now, and all I really wanted to share with you all was that we were recently notified that Tonya, her friend Lenna, and Ludmilla were able to catch an 8:00PM flight out of JFK, headed for Europe.  Unfortunately her luggage is still with us, but Mama and I are going to take care of that on Monday and see if we can’t FedEx or UPS it out to her.  Hey… what’s another couple hundred bucks of shipping charges in the grand scheme of things? 

We’ll keep you posted as we hear more about her progress.  It seems like only 2 weeks ago I was wishing them all GodSpeed on their trip over here.  I hope the next 6-8 months goes by as quickly.

Once I get stablilized, I’d like to write about our final minutes with Tonya.  I just can’t do it right now. Papa has to go remember where he hid all the alco-ma-hol. 

Thanks all for your continued prayers and messages of support. Please pray that Tonya arrives “home” safely… and that she can come back Home again soon.   Sad Papa Out.

7-31: Last full day

Hey all… I know I have a whole week to catch you up on, and I promise I will… just probably not tonight.  We have had a wonderful “last week” though.  Aunt Carol and Anna came up to visit for 2 nights, David Mirasolo came over with his Mario Bros. games for Wii, and we have received some wonderful phone messages from friends and family who sympathize with what we must be feeling right now.

As I started to write this, Tonya and Mama were sitting on the floor 3-feet behind me, printing and trimming the final photos for Tonya’s 2nd photo album, (That’s the 2nd 100-page photo album.)  We’ll share these photos up on the Zude page when we get the chance.  Today being the last full day, we decided to let Tonya decide what to do.  We bounced off a lot of weird things (ice skating, bungie jumping) and a few normal ones (swimming) before she finally decided that she’d like to go back to Canobie Lake Amusement Park, where she went with Anna & Mama 2 weeks earlier.  We spent the entire day there, and the noise and distractions proved to be just the thing to keep our minds off the inevitable.  And even though Papa isn’t much for amusement parks, I did manage to go on a few rides… though mostly I was tasked with photography. Anyway, we have a bunch of great photos to share with you later on.

As I write THIS, Mama & I have just tucked in Tonya for the last time. Putting her to bed was always the favorite time for me. With the stresses of the day behind me, my affection for Tonya could really shine through and I could express my emotions to her more freely.  Tonight, that affection is taking the shape of tears.  As of late, the stresses of the day have been overwhelming for me, driving me to depression in the daylight hours. The nightime has been my savior. I wonder what will save me tomorrow night?

Gotta go now.  We have a big mean ugly nasty emotional day ahead of us.  Mama and I may just unplug the phones and computers for the weekend so we can hit the ground running on Monday.  We have a LOT of work ahead of us if we plan to see Tonya again.

Thanks for tuning in…

Papa out.

Quick message to friends and family

I just wanted to let everyone know that we appreciate all of you that have wanted to get together to see Tonya. Some have met her once and wanted to see her again, others haven’t even gotten that chance yet.  Please understand that we are trying to accommodate everyone as best we can.  Between people making tentative plans and then cancelling them due to unforeseen circumstances, we have been able to commit to other visitors. Everything seems to happen spontaneously, so PLEASE don’t take it personally and know that if we have our way, you will all have ample opportunities to see her in the future.   We are putting some new photos from the past few weeks down at the bottom of the Zude page, so take a look. Thanks.

-Dave & Jo-

7-26/27: Entering the final week

Well… that last week sure went by fast.  I can’t believe we are entering our final week with Tonya.  By this time next Saturday, she will be well on her way back to Russia.  We just showed Tonya on a calendar to make sure she understood as well.  I’ll talk about that more in the next post, but we’re all doing a lot of hugging these days.

I want to go back to last Saturday (7/19) which is the day we faxed in our intention to add Tonya to the highly esteemed Jagodowski clan. As you may recall, that is the day we drove our niece Anna back home to CT, and on the return trip we stopped at a Friendly’s restaurant for lunch.  It was at that moment that I noticed a big change in how I was interacting with Tonya.  Prior to that, I was being a little guarded (on the inside) because I didn’t want myself to fall in love with this kid and have that emotion influencing my decision. (I know… you women live your lives that way, but guys like to work things out on paper beforehand… that’s why we rarely make mistakes and insist on loooong engagements.)  Anyway, with the “intent form” already sent off, I felt liberated and free to open my heart to Tonya.  It was a turning point, and all the time since that moment has been extra special. She’s more than just a guest in our home now and I am free to share more affection with her and act a little more crazy around her… just so she knows what she’s getting into.

The past week was really horrible weather-wise, with thundershowers filling most of the days (and nights). We had a wonderful “family moment” one night when a thunderstorm passed nearby and made some really scary BA-BOOMS!!  We were just putting Tonya to bed and it was clear that she was a little scared, so Mama and I just sat there with her and “talked” her through it — with the help of some hand motions.  And, while we were doing our best to calm her down, Tonya was doing her best to comfort Mondo cat, who is very afraid of thunder but was feeling safe nestled into Tonya’s side.  So there we were in a 2-way comfort-fest.  After a few minutes, the storm moved away and I suggested to Tonya that she put in her mp3 player and listen to music to drown out the thunder. (It worked!)

Now, the cool thing about Tonya is that she is perfectly content to be a couch potato and just sit and watch DVD’s all day long. (She has the makings of a modern American.)  But Mama and I (mostly Mama) feel obligated to make her “do stuff”.  This led us to a roller skating rink down in Hudson, MA.  Now, Papa doesn’t roller skate because “If God had intended us to have wheels…, yada yada”, but Mama was quite the skater back in her day.  Tonya gave us the impression that she could skate, but you never really know.  When we got to the skating rink, the rental place offered a choice between traditional skates and roller blades. Mama opted for tradition but Tonya insisted on the blades.  It was immediately evident that she had been on roller blades before she had no trouble getting around.  Her and Mama did a few laps around together, sometimes holding hands, sometimes not.  Tonya managed to “trash” a few people, but always turned to say “I’m sorry” as she skated away from their crumpled bodies.  With nothing to do but spectate, I found myself cringing at the constant array or near-misses and intentional ‘take downs’ that apparently define the sport of skating.  Most of all, it was great to see Joanne cruising around on skates… she really looked great out there. Definitely the hottest Mama on the track!

One of the evenings, Tonya began to inquire about hold old Mama and Papa were.  From the look on her face I could have probably foregone the numeric explanation and just looked up the Russian word for ‘ancient’.  One thing sort of led to another and soon we were showing her our wedding album and explaining that our 19th anniversary was on the 28th.  She actually seemed to understand that.  She seemed to be very genuinely excited about the wedding photos as we flipped through each page and defined each person in simple terms (i.e. “Mama’s Papa’s Papa”).  Whatever the reason, it was nice to see her so interested in us.

On Tues 7/22 we all went to the mall with our friend David M. with the intent of just going to the Build-A-Bear store (or as I like to say, the “Stuff-A-Pelt” store).  Once you get Tonya in the mall however, you gotta do some clothes shopping too, so we ended up getting her this “jogging suit” outfit that she really wanted. We grabbed some lunch and then headed to the B-A-B store.  Once we explained the ”build you’re own stuffed animal” concept, Tonya (and all of us) began deciding what type of animal to make. Tonya chose a bunny, Mama a yellow bear, David a black bear, and Papa a dog.  The woman employee who worked with us did  a great job and was even able to convert the computer program to Russian for the ‘Birth Certificate’ portion of the process. Tonya, ever the girl, loaded her bunny with accessories, including shoes, a handbag, a cell phone, shorts, a top, and sunglasses.  That was one decked-out bunny!

On the way out of the mall we passed by a carousel/merry-go-round thing.  Somehow Mama was able to work it out so she got to shop at the nearby jewelry store while Tonya, David, and Papa went around and around and around and around.  Oy!  After the Mall we all went back home and played Wii for way too many hours.

On Thursday 7/24, Mama, Papa, and Tonya had hair appointments with our longtime hairdresser Cherie Ceresa. Since Mama had the most hair to contend with, Cherie took her first.  Tonya and I were able to kill time looking through the hairstyling books and deciding which style might look best on each of us. It was wildly silly as you might imagine. While Mama was under the dryer and getting rinsed, Cherie did Tonya’s fingernails for her with some funky blue polish.  When Mama was done, Tonya got her turn in the chair.  She was nervous at first about the prospect of anyone messing with her hair, but she quickly figured out that Cherie knew what she was doing and could be trusted with scissors (unlike Papa).  Cherie commented on the jagged crooked cut in Tonya’s hair, as if someone had just scooped it into a ponytail and cut straight across with a pair of not-so-sharp shears.  Cherie undid the damage, restoring even layers.  Tonya liked the cut but was irritated by the natural curl in her hair (Don’t you just hate that, ladies?)  Cherie worked her over with a flat iron and straightened it out to give her that ‘Sissy Spacek’ look, sans the pig blood.  (Papa prefers the curls.)   Finally Papa made it to the chair, and despite his request to look like Orlando Bloom (the archer dude in Lord of the Rings), Mama intervened and requested that I look boring as usual.

That night we went to the animal shelter as usual.  Tonya felt the need to take lots of cat pictures, so she did!

On Friday 7/25, the sun actually shined ALL DAY.  We invited ourselves over to Kathie Gosselin’s house in Manchester. (Kathie is a fellow board member and affectionaly referred to as my ’shelter wife’, or Joanne’s ’sister wife’). Kathie has an awesome in-the-ground pool, so we had a full day of swimming, eating, sunning, and more swimming.  Since Mama isn’t too keen on the pool scene, Papa ended up spending a LOT of time in the pool.  At least I got an awesome tan. Too bad I don’t have a cool hair style to go with it.

Saturday was also a semi-nice day, so we felt obligated to do something outdoorsey. We decided to expose Tonya to some of NH’s natural beauty, so we drove 90 minutes north up to Franconia Notch. (This is where the famous “Man on the Mountain” used to be.  Recently NH was taken over by liberals and the old man opted to commit suicide by jumping off the mountain in 2003.  Apparently he knew what was coming.)   At first Tonya made it clearly evident that she was not impressed with the whole “fresh air and mountains” thing, but we figured she’d enjoy taking the tram ride up to the top of the mountain and looking around a bit. When she learned there was a cafeteria at the top of the mountain, things started to look up.  After eating, we set out on a 500′ long trail that led to an observation tower.  About 100′ into the slightly uphill trail, you would have thought this kid was on the Bataan death march.  My hopes of EVER taking this girl camping were starting to fade.  When we got to the tower, the 3-stories of uphill stairs almost finished her off, but I think the panoramic view restored her energy and she suddenly seemed born again.  From the tower she could see some people hiking on another trail below and she indicated that she wanted to do that too. (Hmmm… there might be hope for this kid yet.)  We walked around a trail that went around the edge of the mountain so there were frequent viewing areas.  Our little girly-girl had no trouble climbing rocks or getting her butt dirty to get to a good vantage point.  I was very pleased with this change of attitude about the outdoors.  All we needed to end this adventure on a positive note was some ice cream, so we caught the next tram down and indulged in some creamy goodness.

On the way back, we got off in Lincoln, NH and discovered this great little Mini-Golf place, so we stopped and managed to get in 18-holes.  I am pretty sure that this was Tonya’s first experience with a golf club, so it definitely got frustrating for her at times.  We fully expected a temper tantrum and a flying mini-putter, but after we calmly talked her through some strategies about how to aim and hit the ball, she just ‘went with it’ and had fun.  Fortunately Mama and I both played well so there were no other temper tantrums to contend with.  It was a fun and successful foray into the outdoors and it gave us hope that Tonya might fit into the NH lifestyle.   Hopefully we get that chance.

Today (Sunday 7/27), we went over to visit Aileen and Kevin Clay, who are hosting “Lenna”, the 13-year old Russian girl.  The girls were inseperable, and we had a wonderful lunch together and some “forward-thinking” conversations about the challenges ahead and the hoops we need to jump through.

Guess what… I’m DONE with this post.  I’ve been working on it for 2 days now and I’m not even going to proof read it first… just gonna hit that PUBLISH button….. Now!

7-16, 17, 18: Mama Recollects D-Day Events

Hi everyone. Thanks for all the comments we’ve received in the past day. Everyone sure seems excited about something!?  I’m actually going to hand the keyboard over to Joanne today… maybe she has some news to share with you.  Here’s Jo!

Wow the pressure. First, I am not a writer. It is one of the things that I try to avoid at all costs. Anyway, Dave says to write like I am going to give you the answer to THE question and then just tell you about our beach trip and Canobie Lake adventure (he also said I should propose selling blog subscriptions, but I’ll let him handle those details). So…

… on Wednesday we went to the beach. I ended up in the front seat driving Ludmilla and Tonya to the beach while they talked non-stop in Russian all the way there. (Kinda unsettling, was she saying that we made her eat chicken every night and she hates chicken??) We were lucky enough to get beach parking and met up with Grandmom, Auntie Carol and Anna. Tonya was very excited to see Anna (which was good since I was worried that she would focus on Ludmilla and Anna would feel left out). It was a picture perfect day -blue skies, great waves thanks to the full moon and a wonderful sea breeze.  We all stuck our feet in the water and Tonya kept trying to get us to go in further which we all resisted. I think Ludmilla finally had enough of that and grabbed Tonya’s hand and dragged her all the way into the ocean up to her neck. Tonya was surprised and probably learned that sometimes you DO get what you ask for.  We stayed for hours and then trolleyed down to Perkin’s Cove for a great dinner. Once we got back to our hotels (Grandmom, Carol and Anna in one and Ludmilla, Tonya and myself at another due to late bookings), it was clear that Tonya wanted to stay in Ludmilla’s room, not mama’s. (Oh well, it’s not about me – it is about her.) We had a late night swim in the pool and all fell asleep around 11. The next morning, all 6 of us had breakfast together and then Tonya had another good swim in the pool until it was time to check out. The weather turned very hot and humid, so we decided to head on home, instead of burning at the beach.

Anna had decided to stay with us for a few days, so the girls had a fun afternoon while Carol and Grandmom headed back to CT. It was a shelter night, so Papa went in for a full shift and I brought the girls in to play with the kittens. They had so much fun and each had a favorite kitten that they bestowed lots of hugs and kisses upon. The three of us then went to Pizza Hut for supper (you have got to try those chocolate dippers – they are sooo good.)

The next day, while Papa stayed home to work on getting work, Anna, Tonya and I headed to Canobie Lake. It was a very hot, humid day, but a few trips down the water rides cooled us off. We went on almost all the rides, many more than once. Anna wanted to go on the wooden roller coaster (she had never been on one before). Tonya said she did too, so we all got into the 20 minute line. As we watched people go up and up and up before they went down, Tonya got worried. I told her that she could change her mind right up to the moment we sat down to ride and if that happened, we would just wait for Anna. Well, every 3 minutes the answer changed from “yes” to “no”. When it was our turn, she turned to me and said “mama, me, one” (meaning we ride together). So we all climbed in. As we were going up, up, up, I put my arms around her and held her tight – she was shaking. All I could think about was how BAD a mama I was, letting this poor scared child ride a roller coaster – she was going to be traumatized for life and it was ALL my fault. I should know better, after all I am supposed to be THE adult. Then we went down. She screamed. I screamed. She laughed. I laughed. The ride was over in under 2 minutes and as we rounded the last corner she had such a proud look on her face – she did it. As soon as we got off the ride she wanted to know when she could call her best friend in NY to tell her all about it. Whew!

We ended up the day riding the big swing ride. Tonya loved this ride and was able to keep going on (no lines). After 2 times, I sat on the bench and watched Tonya flying high above me. As she was going round and round she spread out her arms and had this really beautiful, happy smile on her face. I fell in love.

Yesterday we spent way too long in the machina (car) to bring Anna home to CT. On the way back to NH, we stopped for supper at a Friendly’s. I was able to sit back and watch Tonya and Papa play intense games of Tic Tac Toe on the placemats and then share a caramel sundae. I fell more in love with Dave then too (it has been so special being able to watch him interact with Tonya and to see what a wonderful Papa he is). We got home, watched Nemo, Tonya went off to bed.

I think I will pass the blog back to Papa to finsh up…

Hi… Dave here.  Somehow Joanne fast-forwarded over the fact that before we left to bring Anna home, we faxed our “D-Day” form back to New Horizons.  Amusingly, Jo and I didn’t have any chance to have a sit-down discussion about this… we were both just to busy (and exhausted).  The form was as simple as could be – basically 3 short paragraphs with a checkbox in front of each followed by 2 signature lines:

 [ ] Yes, we would like to…

[ ] No, we do not intend to… 

[ ] We are uncertain at this time…  

As Joanne and I sat at the desk, I grabbed a pen and cavalierly checked off the top box. I looked at her and asked, “Did I get that right?”.  We both signed the form and faxed it on its way, giving it no more thought than if we were paying the phone bill.  It felt that right.

Now… before anyone gets too excited, understand that MANY THINGS CAN GO WRONG and that this is largely out of our hands. The first being that unless I find new employment, we won’t even be considered as suitable parents.  Then there’s the matter of a lot of money, some Russian beaurocracy, a lot of forms, a lot more money, some judges, more forms, more money, all wrapped around a couple round-trips to Russia.  Jo and I have made our intent clear… it’s up to God now (and all those other people/things mentioned above.)

Now, let’s talk blog subscriptions. I’m thinking that $25/mo. would go a long way toward offsetting our international air fares…

THANK YOU everyone for your support during this process. We feel blessed to have such good friends and family on our side.

Peace out,

-Papa-